This may be a tad long so bare with me. My sons father and i have been separated for some time, son is 2&half. I always thought him to be a good father even though I find him to be quite a horrible person but lately I'm very concerened for my sons well being in his care. He hangs around with a well known ice user and drug dealer and in the passed used himself before we got together. His mood swings are unbearable one minute he is calm and the next im being called every name under the sun. The most recent issues with my son are him comming home quite upset telling me "im not his family and i dont love him his daddy told him and daddy loves him more" he was so hurt and confused he wouldnt come near me for 10 to 15 minutes. I then explained to him he is very lucky to have two familys one is mummy, brother and the other is him and daddy and mummy still loves him very much, eventually he accepted this. This is definetly not the first time his come home with his feelings torn and emotional manipulation put in place. I feel like taking the high road (i would never say anything about his father as my mother was the type to degrade my dad and i know how horrible that situation is) is obviously the right thing to do but i feel its wasted and his horrible ways will cause our son to feel obliged to spend time with his father and feel less loved here at home or like im a bad person. The things he may think aren't nearly as concerning as how much this could mess him up mentally in his most developmental years. There have been alot of worrying issues but ive spoken with DHS, solicitors and mediators and basically been told if i keep him home it could result in more custody/time to his father. He became quite depressed a few months back and took a day off work a week and asked if he could have our son that day every week then when i tried to pull it back i got amounts of abuse and he told me if i take those days away he can have him retrieved because its gone on for so long. Ive basically been told by dhs that i have no option but to send my son there every weekend and thursdays. But the emotional abuse and other very serious issues need to be seen too i cant just sit around waiting for mediation to be over. I feel like i have no right to protect my son.
feeling like I legally cant protect my son from damaging situation
feeling like I legally cant protect my son from damaging situation
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
4 Replies
Speak to a lawyer asap
I'm sorry, child protective services told you that you have to continue to send your child to a harmful environment, even though there are no court orders in place?
That is seriously incorrect.
Even if court orders are in place, you don't have to send your child if they're at risk of significant harm.
Yes, he'll get more time IF you're doing it out of spite AND if it's proven more time is in the best interest of the child. You just need proof of his abuse and you won't get into any trouble.
Speak to a different lawyer. Ask for mediation to be skipped due to your concerns of drug use and emotional abuse. Go straight to court.
Start writing a diary. Every little concern, even if it seems pitiful. Time and date.
No calls, only texts. That way, you have an entire documentation of any conversations between you and your ex.
Message him and say you're concerned about your child's safety. Allow him the opportunity to spend time with his child, supervised.
Or short visits more often, instead of overnight.
That way, it shows you're still encouraging a relationship whilst protecting your child.
Ask for drug testing to be a part of the court agreement.
Ask for visits (or at least pick up/drop off) to be at a contact centre, so you don't have to deal with him directly.
Ask for anger management (but you'll probably have to do it, too)
And ask for a parenting course to be completed as well.
The thing im concerened about is even though im being a hundred percent honest and my concerns are completely genuine, because of his age it could seem to be hear say and me being an immature selfish person without the correct evidence in place. Will documenting these things myself be enough? I have friends and family who know of whats happened also but as i said im scared to do what i think is right then not have the correct evidence to back up my claims. I will take your advice on mediation and a new solicitor though thank you so very much.
i think it would be worth getting your little man to see a councilor of some sort. Someone who can help him with the mixed messages he is getting. Also, they are a 3rd party who's priority will be your son.
If they hear concerning things from your son, they are legally bound to report to CPS and you can use a report from them to request limited visitations or supervised visitation.