Hi everyone. I'll try and keep this short.
I'm highly frustrated with dead beat dads and their lack of responsibility to their child. The fact they don't want to see their child and think it's ok to leave all parental responsibilities up to the mother is beyond me. The fact that they can just sit back and do whatever the hell they want in life and not have a worry in the world. The fact that if they get sick they can actually lay down and rest and get better whereas us mums just have to still deal with the daily battles of parenthood regardless. If we have a migraine and the doctor tells us to go lay in a dark room and sleep it off - um yeah right ok hmmmmmm. If we have a major toothache and have to wait for an appointment with the public system we still have to get on with our parental duties with no break or time out. I hate men at this stage of my life. I have no trust in them and any potential future with them as in relationship wise has been ruined thanks to dead beat dads. I don't think I can ever trust another man in my life ever again. I now see a relationship as they will be all nice then they will get me pregnant then they will leave. No matter what people say to me this is all I see in men anymore. It's happened to me three times now (all whilst I was on the pill and using condoms). And all three times they have left and not given a damn about their child. I'm over it. I'm in tears whilst typing this. Family and friends just don't get it. They don't understand why I can't just be happy anymore. I feel like I'm just a robot mum. In fact I honestly don't feel like I'm a mum anymore. I just feel like a slave. Like I have "please treat me like shit" tattooed on my forehead or something. No I'm not looking for a relationship anymore. And thanks to three failed ones I don't think I could ever step foot into a relationship for the rest of my life. My last child's father has said to me that I'm a very bitter person (well maybe just maybe if you got up off your ass and helped me instead of expecting me to do everything including lawns just because I'm a woman and maybe just maybe if you helped with our child in every which way instead of only being a "cool" parent) maybe just maybe I wouldn't be so bitter.
I don't even know what I'm asking here and there is many more things I can type about but as I said I'm trying to keep it short. I'm over it. I'm exhausted. I'm actually over being a parent at this stage. Yes I love my kids but I honestly can't do this by myself anymore and I hate the men that think it's ok that I do it all by myself and they never see their children.
4 Replies
It's time to go to your doctor. Yes you've had a shitty run of things, I get it. I've had a shitty run too. But carrying that much anger isn't healthy for you, you've described symptoms of depression and a breakdown. I had my own breakdown a few years back. Although it was hard, getting help through free counselling made a huge difference.
Agree you need to seek help and support. It's not healthy for you to feel like this and act in ways you don't want and blame your situation and history, that tells me that you're carrying a lot of built up weight and you'll be a lot happier without it.
I had a really positive experience seeing a psychologist it only took a few sessions for her to help me see things differently and start working on making changes that just kept going, turning that spiral upwards instead of downwards.
How you feel is how you feel based on what has happened in your life and it's not healthy for you at all. When you go and see someone it's not just a sit and talk about it kind of ordeal, you discuss the problem/s, talk about triggers and reactions and learn some techniques to bring about alternate thoughts and reactions - you actually have to work at it but in the end you'll feel much happier in yourself. You can still swear of men if that's your choice but that hate hurts you, not them. I know a couple of single dads could say some pretty mean things about ladies too based on their experiences so rest assured, it's not just women drawing the short straw.
You can do it mumma! Steer clear of any relationship until you can learn to love and be content with your own company! I must say though the world is your oyster, you may have 3 children to 3 different deadbeat dads but look at the bright side none of them are stopping you from getting on with your life.... Take control pack up sell up move, find daycare and a job somewhere new and start living. My god I wish I could!! My ex and I have orders in place... Yep the deadbeat dad that I deal with (not everyone agrees with me let me tell you) pays under $300 a month claims reductions due to his special need child and special needs step children and his dependant on him wife! Makes no effort for special occasions with the exception of Father's Day and Christmas. He hasn't spent time with our child for their birthday in 9 years. Makes no effort to ensure he has all contact as per the orders and will drop contact as per his wife's wishes and/or that of the rest of his family. Won't allow me to move with our child but isn't prepared to make up the shortfall or provide anything outside of the amount he is told to pay from csa. I have been unable to find full time work in the small town I live but I have to suck it up because the father has rights..... One day i hope to show my Lo the 'outside world'. And maybe one day I can get on with things without having to deal with the arsehole who just wants to be a puppeteer!