Everything is becoming overwhelming. I have a 10 week old baby and im single. I have no idea what i am doing. I'm starting to feel like im doing everything wrong.
My little one and i have been through a lot. I left my ex after he assaulted me while i was pregnant this resulted in me almost miscarriaging. This went on for a while so i left. My ex threatened me that i will never see my child or speak to her again i don't know what this means but he tryed so many times to kill her and now that he has guns i am terrify that is a whole other story. So ive become very protective of her i can't let her out of my sight even for a second. The avo i took out covers me but the police won't put her on to our final hearing in 2 months.
Today everything feels like i am doing everything wrong. Last night my little one rolled out of my bed. She is okay cryed for a minute then was smiling but it still hasn't left me that she fell out. I talked to my midwife today and she was shocked like dumbfounded i sleep with her. Told me it is wrong. My daughter won't sleep with out me though. Even during the day she has to be on me she i son me right now. if i put her down she will wake up and i will have to put her to sleep again. Is this bad? I was booked into a sleep and settle specialist to help with this. I feel like i havnt done right by my daughter for getting her into this habit because im to scard to leave her. I'm suffering ptsd and now i feel im not being a good mum. I'm worried she might be falling behind in development cause i don't know where she is ment to be at. She has eczema that i can't seem to get on top of even though im doing everything the dr said to do. She has conjunctivitis that i gave her which i feel bad about too. I have been so run down this month from my court and family drama i posted a few days ago about my mum controlling me financially so i moved out this week. Nothing is going right. I feel like im loosing it i want to do what's best for my baby but i feel like im not. My ex told the police that i am not mentally fit to have a baby and he has concerns for her and he will take over once i loose it. i don't want this. I have 2 months to prepare for court and i am putting so much energy into it wrighting up statements and gathering evidence and now being told im not doing the right thing by mum baby its all to much! He is a psychopath but he still has power and control over me. Is this all normal do first time mums worry about all this stuff what their not doing right or if their baby is developing at the right rate!?
Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling overwhelmed
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Education, Baby & Toddler
7 Replies
Hi, I just want to say you are doing EVERYTHING right. You sound like an amazing mum. You've dealt with more than most new mums, so give yourself a massive break!!! You've left am abusive relationship, you've protected your daughter and her mummy from a psychopath, and escaped a really dangerous situation.
I want to hug you. It would have been so hard and draining, and you did it! And now you've moved out of your mums! You're on your way to independence. You're a role model of a mother you should be very very proud. I hope you hold your head very high when you go into court.
I do have some mummy advice about sleeping. Firstly, rolling off the bed is such a very minor thing compared to what you've been through. My baby rolled off the bed 3 times. I was heartbroken every time. Every time I had been totally exhausted and fell asleep before putting her back in a safe sleep space. It happens.
As for Co-sleeping, it can be very safe, as long as you do it safely. The baby needs to be in a safe space, so that means no sides they can fall off, no sides they can fall down or holes in bedhead they can get trapped in. And their own blanket or sleeping bag so they don't get stuck in your big blanket. And no pillows or anything else on the bed.
I cosleep with my baby (not the one that fell Off), this time the cot is next to the bed so I put her in there if I'm exhausted, but normally we're cosleeping she sleeps on the bed between me and the cot bars on the side, so she's not going anywhere.
As for being on you all the time, that's quite common too. May be fixable, it's definitely exhausting, but you're not doing anything wrong. Cuddle her tight you're doing so well.
And yes, we all worry, and feel that we have no idea what we're doing!
All the best and my fingers are crossed court goes well for you, it will be good to have it sorted out on paper, hopefully you will have a bit more peace of mind. XXX
OMG we all worry about this stuff! And yeah we bump out babies heads and we struggle to get into a routine and that's without going through what you have been through!
Co-sleeping is very normal and often necessary for new parents! That midwife is dead wrong and I suggest for your own sanity that you stop seeing her and find a supportive MCHN and ask via your hospital for parental support or a parent helper or something. You also need to look into counselling or something to help you in this period.
Buy a couple of pool noodles and slip them under the sheet on the side of your bed to keep bubby safe, or if you have a cot consider "sidecar" style - pop the drop side off and push it up against your bed so bub has a safe sleep space but still near you.
The eczema can be food related - if you're breastfeeding she might be reacting to something you're eating. Dairy, soy and wheat are common ones. Look up LaLeche League and Kelly Mom websites, as well as Pinky McKay's page for info.
The fact that you are worried you are not a.good mum shows you are a good mum!
I do suggest that you speak to your gp or counsellor tho. As you have had alot on your plate.
Co sleeping is very normal and done correctly is very safe so do some research on it. Also research babywearing so thay you can get stuff done while baby sleeps on you.
My baby boy was the same. Needed to be on me constantly. We babywore. And we vo slept. We co slept until 13mths. When he actually started to not sleep if i was in bed with him so we transitioned to the cot. He is now 2 and sleeps in his cot every night. Doesn't get in my bed at all. So dont listen to all those ppl who say theyll never grow out of it!!
Also see an osteo for the exzema. They offer amazing treatments tat are natural. For all sorts.of things.
Oh beautiful, beautiful Mum. You are awesome, you are amazing and you are a wonderful mother. Can't you see that just the fact that you are asking these questions make you a wonderful mother. You love your daughter so much that you're so worried that you're not doing the best you can by her. Let me tell you that you are doing the best and that this little girl is going to grow up and look back and remember having a mum that was always there for her, that loved her so much she wanted to be nothing but the best she could be for her little girl. That makes you wonderful and that means you're doing an amazing job. Some advice...eczema sucks, my little girl had it from day dot. Try a product called 'moo goo'. The sell it at most chemists, it's all natural and it really works if you keep applying it. I also suffer from eczema and it works for me too. If you can, get the one with elderberry and marshmallow as its a little gentler for babies. Ok, now I let my bubba roll off my kitchen bench one night. I took 2 steps away to grab a towel and she was on the floor. Luckily she was perfectly fine. I wasn't. I cried for hours, thought I was the worst mother alive. But you know what, I'm not, I made a mistake, it wasn't intentional and I know that I love my girl so much and I give her the best that I can. Look, don't let other people's opinions get you down. Unfortunately, everyone has a say on what's right and what's wrong when it comes to raising children. Only you can know what's right for you and your baby. If your midwife made you feel that badly, look into seeing somebody who you feel more comfortable with. A midwife is there to offer support and help guide you through the terrifying journey that is motherhood. Find someone you are comfortable talking to and discussing different options with. It's perfectly natural to beat yourself up over every little thing and feel as though your failing. This does change, I promise. You will become more comfortable in your role as a mother and one day you will realise that you are giving you girl everything you can and that is what's best. Please be kinder to yourself. If you are worried about development stages, have a look and do some research on google and get a basic idea of where she should be at. Please remember that all children progress at different paces so they are a guide only, but speak to your doctor if you have serious concerns. My heart goes out to you Mumma, but I honestly believe you are a wonderful Mum and you are not failing your daughter in any way.
You are doing a wonderful job! There looks like there is some wonderful advice below about cosleeping. Whatever works for you is best. And that changes regularly as your baby gets older. In regards to her sleeping on you during the day this is also totally normal (and something I struggled with majorly when my Bub was a newborn) have you tried a baby carrier? That was my saviour. She was always close where she wanted to be but I had a little more freedom of what I could do. I personally wouldn't see a specialist about it. As your baby gets older she will not have as strong a need to be as close to you and sleeping by herself will be more achievable (my baby was at least 3 months before that started happening though!)
Where your child is developmentally is something that all mums worry about. If you have concerns, bring them up with your doctor or midwife at your checkups. But remember that all babies develop differently.
Eczema is a horrible problem! I've had it as an adult and it is so hard to get rid of. Bathing in QV wash and then moisturising with QV moisturiser is what eventually worked for me. I've used this on my baby from birth and she hasn't even had nappy rash, not sure if that's good luck or it's helped her to!
Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing an amazing job and showing amazing strength for both yourself and your baby girl. The mere fact that you are asking for help speaks volumes. If you ever need someone to talk or vent to feel free to PM me x
Firstly, well done for leaving your abusive ex, it's a hard thing to do, especially with a newborn. I know this because I went through the same thing, he was horrendous and it got worse during pregnancy. I eventually left when she was 9 months old.
Firstly, don't worry about the midwife, we are the only land dwelling mammal on this planet that doesn't sleep with their infant. It's actually wonderful to bond, and I don't care what midwives say, it's beneficial to both mum and bub, assuming it's done safely. I slept with mine till she was 16 months. I did it for two reasons: sanity and extreme fear my ex would take her. Do what YOU need to alleviate stress on yourself and to get through the night. Newborns are hard.
Secondly, how the AVO couldn't include your child is beyond me. She's 10 weeks, it must vary state to state, but my daughter was automatically included on my AVO at 8 months due to her age.
Stay away from him until final AVO is given, if you've been abused, you don't need to go through th same mediation process and to be frank, you shouldn't have to coparent with someone that makes you you fear your life. And with guns, no less.
If you would like to chat further, please email me at groupmovingforward@gmail.com I would be happy to talk with you further, and I also have a private online DV group should you need further support.
Good luck, you're doing an AMAZING job. xxx