Help..
I have an old friend who has 4 girls under the age of 8 living in a house with her boyfriend who does nothing but smokes and drinks all day. He is abusive physically and emotionally so she says but I haven't seen any of it other then the smoking and drinking all day. She's only come back into my life 3 weeks ago and I've only been over to her house 4 times.
She's told me she wants out of her relationship (his is not the father of any of the girls) and told me all the things his done to her like putting a knife to her throat and making threats, screaming at her while she was driving they got into a car accident cause she was driving "too slow". Her girls tell me how he hurts them and doesn't take care of them and when she leaves them at home with him , he locks them in the bedroom and hits them with a broom if they come out! They tell me he screams and swears at mummy everyday ... Then the other day I called her cause we were trying to find a way to alert the authorities without him knowing for help because she said she feared for her life if she or her girls were ever at the house when the cops came and when she answered my call she was out driving him around picking up things they bought off gum tree while her kids were at home all alone for hours!!!
I went straight to her house to see if they were ok and told her to get back straight away or I will call the authorities now because she put her kids in danger and she came straight back home with him and they never said a word just played it off like it was a once off yet her daughter told me they do this all the time.
When I got there, The house was a complete mess and the 2 younger ones were asleep on the floor covered in food and rubbish.
Her excuse was that he wouldn't let her go without him and they couldn't all fit so they just took the 2 year old and left her 5,6 and 8 year old behind... From 8am-3pm !
The next day we planned to go to church and it was just going to be her and the girls and it was the opportunity we had finally to be together without him and get the cops to come and take him and deport him back cause his visa is finished. ... The next day came and I was a nervous wreck but kept strong for her ... Got ready and made my way. Met her at church but when the time came she completely changed her mind and started talking about how good he was and that he had agreed to go to Sydney and leave (we are in Brisbane) ... My jaw just dropped and I couldnt believe what I was hearing. Even seeing the look on her girls faces knowing they were going back to that was killing me. She made up her mind that she wasn't going to the police and that I needed to stop making a big deal out of it ?... So the only thing I could do at that time was report it to the church authorities in the hopes that they could try and convince her and they took her in without me and talked about her situation.
I have no idea what's going on but can't think straight because I'm just worried for the girls. I don't know what I can do cause I haven't seen him do anything but I know she didn't lie to me from the beginning and neither did her girls. Her 6 year old daughter who is autistic told me that she doesn't like him because he hurts her but he has to stay because his mummy's boyfriend ? ...
I don't know if she's been lying to me just to take advantage of my help (I helped her settle in Brisbane and get her furniture and food for her house). We've known each other for 28 years and it kills me to even think that she played me for a fool to take advantage of me and even worse that she is condoning the abuse her boyfriend is conflicting on the girls or even part of it!
Help, I have no idea what to do. I haven't spoken to her since I left her at church and it's been 24 hours
2 Replies
It's probably all true. Unfortunately people who have been abused are often equally or more terrified of being single than they are of being abused! The reason being is that they have been conditioned to believe that they are useless, worthless and won't be able to cope on there own. Yes abusers can be really lovely, and usually straight after they have abused the crap out of you. So it can be confusing.
You need to call child protective services in your state. Because even if she isn't up to protecting her kids the authorities need to. Making a report based on what the children have said, your friend has said and what you have seen should be enough. They can follow up from here.
You need to call DOCS and report them. She is not providing a safe environment for her children. And report him for over staying his VISA.