How often do you get alone time, meaning time just by yourself with no kids? I NEVER get alone time, my partner does at least once a week. He will go out with his mates or to the pub but every time I ask if he can take our kids out he won't! He'll always convince me to go as well. I am going nuts, I just want a bit of alone time, even just an hour or two where I can colour or do something without a child hanging off me. I don't have family or anyone who can look after my kids whenever I want.
10 Replies
I'm the same as you with lack of support. One thing is, instead of always trying against your partner, to talk to him and establish your time so you don't have that stress and arguing every time you want some. It sounds like he needs to understand that you need and deserve this time!
My partner used to be like this and always put the pressure on me but his attitudes changed and now he helps and encourages me to have my own time. He works lots though so it's still limited but I grab an hour or two here and there, definitely a few times a week, probably 3 or 4 times.
Also, I try not to rely on him, I have a friend who watches my baby and our older kids at the pool while I swim laps. And I do a night exercise class where oldest comes too and I leave baby home.
When theyre older put them in daycare or preschool.
Sounds like you need to just work it into the schedule and make him realise this is a necessity for your health and wellbeing, if he wants you to be a woman not just a zombie mum.
At least once a week. Why can't you leave hubby home with the kids and take your colouring stuff to a cafe??? Have you explained why you want him to take the kids out?
Why do you give in? Stand your ground!!! Sometimes we have to stand up for what you need otherwise people don't get it.
Is daycare one day a week an option?
Daycare is not an option as my youngest is too young. I came from an abusive relationship of almost 5 years before getting into a relationship with my partner so I tend to just give in as I don't want to start an argument because all I did in my previous relationship was fight and argue and it would get nowhere. Also I'd rather not take my colouring somewhere public, I'd like to be in a quiet space where I'm comfortable.
Well it might be time to start working on being able to stand up for yourself now. I know it's hard the first couple of times but you deserve to have time to yourself and hubby needs to learn how to cope with the kids out of the house on his own.
My alone time used to be once my kids went to bed. Their bedtime became 7pm and they would wake up at 5:30am. But from 7pm until I went to bed that time was for me. My kids soon learnt that bedtime was bedtime and they would go to sleep. Then I would sometimes get their dad to have them while I would go to the shops. If he refused I would spit it. Told him he'd have to come shopping to if he expected me to take the kids there with me. What do you know after a few trips to the shops with our kids he never argued about having them while I went shopping again. Now days I get a full 24 hour period every week where I don't have my kids. They are with their dad doing whatever it is he does with them. (We are no longer together) i broke it off with him and it was for the best. I'm not saying you need to break it off with your partner but if there's a day care or after school care that you can send your kids to for a few hours a week so you can get some time to yourself you will be much better off. Or get them into a really good routine and put them to bed early-ish so you can focus on you. It's tough being a mum I totally feel you, I've been there. Never be afraid to ask for help if you're on the verge of loosing it all your doctor/community social worker can give your local daycare a ring and organise some sort of respite even if it's just a day or 2 a week and it's for about 3 months.
Never. And I'm feeling the same. Hubby goes to the gym three times a week. That's his alone time. I need to make myself have some social time. It's for my best interests. I just have to allow myself and know that it's ok.
I NEVER GET ALONE TIME XX
My eldest is 7 this year. I do it all on my own. Feel that way.
As a working mum I didn't really need regular time away as I already had 9 hours a day away but I did have at least a long-weekend every year (and sometimes up to a week) to go away on holidays with my best friend. My son is an adult now so time out these days means having the house to myself so I can leave off the pants lol.
I'm not sure if this would work for you but every second night I go for a run/walk. I go after tea so baby is fed, had a bath and all that is left for Dad to do is keep her happy for half an hour while I'm gone
To answer your original question.. Never. I work full time and as soon as I finish work its time to pick the kids up from school.