I have recently found out that I am pregnant with number 4. I was considering a termination but my husband was not supported. He said it was my decision, that he didn't want any part of it as he is Catholic. I had appointment booked and on the drive there I could not bring myself to do it. (I felt guilty, judged and confused) We both really did not want another child as we can barely handle the 3 we have. I was on pill, had vomiting for 2 days I'm assuming this was how I got pregnant as I didn't take pill these two days due to vomiting but I also didn't have sex in these 2 days so I'm confused on how this has happened? My husband and I have obviously decided to go through with the pregnancy. My husband works 6am to 6pm 5-6 days a week to support our family. I'm worried that I am not going to be able to handle this baby. I have a 2 yr,4yr and 7yr already that drain me on a daily basis. I live away from family and have no friends where we live atm. I really don't know if I have made the wrong decision but I also don't think I could live with myself if I did terminate. Adoption I could do but my husband would not allow it. Not sure what I am asking. Has anyone been in a similar situation.?
8 Replies
I've not been in your position but hubby needs to accept that you are going to HAVE to put the kids in daycare for some time, or get a house cleaner or both if this is going to happen!
I would seek professional help, I understand the whole being catholic but your husband works so much he is barely
Home and yes he provides for you all but look at the bigger picture? Your mental health? It seems you already struggle on a day to day. My mum suffered so bad from depression after 4 kids and was a stay at home mum for over ten years, dad worked two jobs and was such a great support and she even had family support and still suffered. Seriously if you can't handle it then don't just do it just because? You have a choice, you are you're own person and regardless of how you fell pregnant it is done now, you need to act sooner than later. Good luck a do wish you all the happiness and strength. I have two kids and struggle. No way I can do anymore. Xx
It may all seem confusing & scary & everything in between right now. But I wanted to say that these are all things you think might happen. Nobody can tell you what it will be like when it actually does happen. I think a huge part of it is changing your mindset a bit. Instead of stressing so much about all the hard things about it, maybe try to write down some good things.
For example, the older 2 will play together & the 2 year old kind of gets left our at the moment? (That's how it is with my 3 atm who are the same ages as your kids almost) - well the new baby & the 2 year old will now have each other!
The 7 year old is at school & your 4 year old may be starting next year? So you'll only have 3 at home for a few months before your middle one starts school so it will get easier when you just have the 2 little ones at home.
It doesn't have to all be bad. Your worries & fears are perfectly valid, but try to think of some good things too. There's an organization called open doors who could really help you & give you advice & somewhere to turn to. Good luck. Xx
Yes I definitely have been where you are. We got a surprise #4 shortly after we moved away from family and friends to a remote location. To say I struggled with the idea of it was an understatement. We didn't want anymore and I was struggling with the 3 I had (8 6 3) i was just about to get back into work and start having me time again.
I spoke to my midwife at the hospital who referred me to the perinatal mental health team as I was showing signs of antenatal depression. Best thing I could of done was to speak to them
They offered at home counselling aswell as over the phone when I needed it. It took me ALONG time to accept my pregnancy and baby and not really sure when it changed but I finally did accept it and started to get excited. We found out the sex cause I needed something to help me bond and it did help but I still couldn't set up her room or buy anything for a long time. Now, she is 16mths and the love of my life. I love her so much and she has bought something that was missing in our family. She definitely completes us. I struggled afterwards aswell as I started to feel guilty for thinking about terminating her and in the early days I was just wishing there was something wrong with her so i had an excuse to do it. But she is a beautiful healthy girl who is the best thing that has happened to me and our family. Good luck with your decision, it's not an easy road to go down but seeking some professional help to sort out how you feel might help you. Xo
The pill fails all the time, one should not rely soley on the pill as a contraceptive other methods should also be used. I was on the pill and fell pregnant the 1 time hubby and I did the deed, sadly I miscarried.
But being your older 2 are 7 and 4 im assuming they would be in kindy and school. Get your 2yr old into daycare for a the days your 4 yr old is in kindy get yourself someone to come help you clean once a fortnight and make sure you take some time out for yourself. And dont be scared to proud to ask for help if your struggling or seek medical help if your emotions start getting the better of you. Many have been there and there will be many more that find themselves in the same situation just breath and know you can do it.
I have been in a similar situation. I understand how hard it is. Idk your living situation, but if you have a spare room you might consider an au pair. You could get a demi pair to help out up to 20hrs per week for food and board, or anything over these hours are paid at around $6-7per hour. The success stories out weigh the bad, and personally it has changed my life. I wish you all the best, but most importantlt strength. You can get through this xx
I terminated no. 4 at the beginning of 2015. Partner is also Catholic. The termination was so straight forward and I have never felt guilty about it. The process was so much easier than I'd ever thought it could be.
I terminated no. 4 at the beginning of 2015. Partner is also Catholic. The termination was so straight forward and I have never felt guilty about it. The process was so much easier than I'd ever thought it could be.