My 3 kids spent 2 days with my dad and his lovely wife during the school holidays which was great for us all. They occasionally take them a night during most school holidays and I appreciate it immensely.
A few times when I have picked up the kids they have mentioned small things like the their fighting or not listening etc over the years and proceed to tell me how to do it better. I am open to ideas and suggestions which I welcome but once I ended up in tears and most times I end up feeling pretty shitty.
It feels like every time they have my kids they're analysing them instead of enjoying them.
My younger 2 are quite active boys and they mention how exhausted they are after having the kids. They also both work full time and live 45 minutes away in a different town.
My sister has also mentioned they do it to her too.
So this time when they came home my 8 year old (who has a severe speech delay and struggles a little with his reading and writing) has said he wants to go live with them. He said his Grandma suggested it and she will help him catch up with his school work.
It's a lovely thought but I am furious that it has been discussed with my son and not myself and now he has this idea that he's going to live with them!
My son isn't behind in anything other then his reading and writing which the school and I are working on together. He has funding for an aid in his class room and attends a fantastic Catholic school who are incredible at keeping my son up with where he needs to be and not falling behind.
If this was to happen he'd have to change schools/towns.
At home I stuggle to get him to read the books they send home most days but we get there. During the holidays we've been reading appropriate chapter books most nights.
I also do 95% of the parenting on my own.
I'm now questioning if they think I'm not capable of helping my son with school and I feel angry, offened and just shit!
So anyway, my question is should I confront my parents about this? Or should I just have a casual discussion with my son about it not happening?
Are they over stepping or am I just being over sensitive?
TIA :)
4 Replies
"I appreciate your thought, but next time talk to me before you talk to _____"
"That's good advice, but I think I'll do ____"
"_____ works for us, but thanks for the offer/suggestion"
Hopefully they get the hint that you aren't interested and back off a bit.
If not, politely say you appreciate their help but you need to learn to both succeed and fail on your own.
If they continue talking to your child and not you, put your foot down and remind them that you won't tolerate them disrespecting your parenting.
It's great that they want to help, but they need to be working along side you. Not against you.
Confront them. Tell them it's not ok to say that stuff to your child. Tell them if they say that sort of stuff again you will have to reconsider sending the kids there at all as it was crossing the line by a mile!!
I guess it's hard for some parents to understand where they could be over stepping because they still see you as their baby/child. I frequently have arguments with my mum with how my child should sleep and when to start her bath/dinner routine. When she has watched her for us it's always an hour or more earlier than we would put her down - and it doesn't work because she then gets up realllllly early in the morning. It's crap!! But I know that's what worked for mum.
And that's where I think they are helping, doing what works for them or their ideas because they're not there all the time to see how it works or the progress.
However, the whole "come live at my house" thing is not cool. I'm sure they said it as humouring way to your son? I'd tell them that you'd prefer them not to say things in that light because 1. Your son is not moving in with them 2. He is learning and progressing with how things are going with you now so it's completely unnecessary. And 3. You feel like they are undermining you a bit.
Just find the right words and I guess try keep as much peace as you can. They only do these annoying things because they love you and your kids. Good luck xo
I would check you have your facts straight first. If they did indeed discuss your son moving there, that's way inappropriate. But it could just be something as simple as they made a joke, or said something that your son took to mean, he should live there. Example: I was talking to my niece's dad about my sister when she rang and I said, "Speak of the devil". A little while later, my niece's stepsister asked me why her mum was a devil. I was really confused and asked her who said she was a devil? She replied, you did! So bring it up for discussion, but don't go in all guns blazing (at least until you have cleared up who actually said what!).