Has anyone had an fwb? I need a bit of advice. I have been talking with this guy on and off on a dating site for a year or more. I'm recently single again. I have never had a fwb before. What do I need to be aware of? Currently not on the pill (so that will be taken care of ASAP). No he will not be anywhere near my children and he has none of his own. How much do condoms really prevent STDs? I know that even people in monagomous relationships could get an STD but I can't help being somewhat paranoid about them. But yes, I will go on the pill and make him wear a condom. What else? I am certain I will not fall for him so no real concerns there.
14 Replies
You need to be very aware that he'll most likely be sleeping with others or at the very least be open to be sleeping with others.
Definitely pill and condoms because condons protect against quite a lot of STDs.
The thing I find annoying about friends with benefits is that hooking up is often quite last minute. I find the sex and then just leaving or him just leaving straight after a bit soleless but when they do hang around for a chat or whatever then feelings do sometimes get involved because sex releases certain hormones that make you think you like them, even when you don't lol
Plus you will often be 'dumped' when a new girlfriend comes on the scene. Which even if you aren't expecting to feel hurt can surprise you.
All in all my experiences with FWBs has been good and suits where I am at with my life.
I've had a friends with benefits.
Condom.
Pill.
He never met my kids.
We had boundaries. Neither of us told anyone about our 'relationship'
We made it clear what we wanted. I didn't want a relationship with him because he was much younger than me and didn't have children. He wanted kids of his own. I told him we could keep seeing each other until one of us found a perspective partner. Which is exactly what happened.
We had fun. I'd go to his house. Watch a movie and have dinner. Have sex. Then leave. I never stayed overnight. Sometimes we'd meet up away from his house but we still always managed to have sex (in the car, while swimming in the lake etc).
I met someone so we stopped. He met someone shortly after.
We are still friends. I've been with my partner over 5 years and he has been with his around the same. Never gone there with him since and never will.
Do you still talk to him?
As in the fwb? This is my post and I just wonder if we will speak to each other afterwards. How often did you meet up? Staying overnight isn't really an option for me being a single mum so that's ok.
Sorry. Just read that you're still friends. So with the guy you're in the new relationship with, does he know about the fwb?
We are friends on FB. We don't ever meet up and never have since I started my relationship. We never slept with other people while we were seeing each other and we ended it before I slept with my current partner. That was how we wanted it.
My partner knows about him. He's fine. He might feel differently if we did meet up in person though lol. I am not friends with any other 'exes' I just found it easier to cut ties completely. With emotions involved.
This guy though it really was a mutual agreement. Use each other for sex!
I just noticed you asked how often we met up.
We met up a lot. My kids were older so I could do that. Sometimes we would meet up every single night of the week.
I have a very high sex drive so I was more than happy to do it. We were doing this for around 3 months.
Just be careful though. I completely cut out emotions and it was just sex to me. If you're not going to feel that way don't do it. Just remember he's going to feel the same way. If you're not happy to be used like that then don't go there.
I had a friend with benefits on and off for 4.5 years.
No stress, no bullshit, no drama.
He was my friend before we started to have sex, he is my friend still now that I have met and married someone else.
We both respected each other, he kept our secret (I didn't, I told a few friends - oops!)
There were times during the 4.5 years when we both tried to commit to other people (so we stopped having sex). When those relationships didn't work out, we inevitably ended up back together.
There was trust, and there was intimacy, but there was no relationship. We both were free to see others.
Having had that time with him helped me regain my confidence in myself, and helped set me set the standard of what kind of behaviour I would accept from a partner.
My experience was lovely. My husband knows all about it and has met him, and has told me if he could, he'd thank him for his role in my single life.
As for practicalities, get yourself tested before you commence this arrangement, just to be on the safe side.
Pill and condoms, don't forget the lube.
Last of all, have fun. Life is too short for bad sex ;)
I've had a fwb.. Was fun! Went on for about a year, than I met my now partner & we just stopped seeing each other. We both knew it was open & neither of us 'fell' for each other in an intimate way. I was on the pill & we used condoms.
It was great, a lot of people knew about our situation, family included, some couldn't of cared less & others were judgemental, but it was my life and our decision. He met my kids, but only from bumping in to him at the shops or on the street, but to them he was just a friend I said hello too.. Nothing more.
We would always go out to dinner, rent some movies, go clubbing, go to either of our houses & we'd always stay the night & leave the next morning. No expectations of texts or gifts ect, just a call to see what he was up to when I was free.
Don't forget oral sex can transmit stds too so personally I use condoms to give oral and don't receive ( you can use dental dams but meh) people like to say that you should trust blah blah I don't agree with that I got an std in what I thought was a committed relationship of 4 years. Thankfully curable. I would recommend no sleep overs. Contact only every few days to avoid feelings you said you wont fall but he might . I cannot take the pill so use only condoms. I've had a few .. None of them I still speak with I guess time went by without contact and we just went our own ways it doesn't matter to me it served it's purpose at the time.
I had friends with benefits. Best kind of relationship if you aren't after a committed relationship. I'v just finished one. We had a great friendship. I'd go to his house we would watch tv and talk. Then end up having sex. Then I'd go home. We used to message ever day talk on the phone. I have kids he has kids but never ever met the kids. Always used a Condom and I'm on the pill. We met up when we could. We slept with other people but never talked about it. It only ended because I got back with my ex (we hadn't had sex in a month ).. Be careful not to fall for him. This is why I went to him so I felt like I was in control. . Oh and we don't talk anymore. I told him the truth that I was getting back with my ex and he wished me luck. And we left it as that. So for 5 months it was just a little company and sex. Good luck
I had more of a fuck buddy well two note not at the same time we will call them A and B. Biggest piece of advice dont be at their beck n call. They both would expect me to jump when they were up for it. But when i tried it later on A ignored me B would play games. A and i had it good. I was out of a dv relationship and there was no emotions at all. If leave a day of court against my ex go to A and he was what i used rather than drink or drugs i guess. Until i stopped jumping for him. B well i liked him it was more personal we would hang out but hed still ring me at 12 on a night out wanting me to come round. He'd say lets go out next week then id never hear from him. I was a mess at the time and when ge started getting interested i started doing what he did to me so i messed with his head and i guess lead him on kept him around as a back up plan for a while.
From personal experience the fwb isnt going to be a long term friendship once you meet the person you want to be with you let them go. And in the case of B one of us got hurt not intentionally but by the time he wanted more id found it elsewhere in someone who im now married too.
Protect yourself and once emotions get involved be honest if its not a two way street cut it there dont drag it on cuz people do get hurt. Good luck
I had a FWB for 10 years.
We had relationships with other people, and both respected that and met up when single again.
We worked in the same building. He chose to travel for 3 yrs and I worked for myself.
When I moved to another state to live with FWB my family thought I was going on a whim with some guy no one had heard of.
9 years formally together, married 2 years and two kids 5yrs and 6yrs.
I had a FWB once. I thought I would never possibly fall for him but I did.. very deeply. He wasn't on the same page and it just left me broken. Hopefully it doesnt turn out like that for you! Good luck