Hey I'm hoping this is normal or am I a terrible mum who needs help, I have 2 kids a newborn 5 weeks and a toddler and love them both so much. However last week all I feel like is just a mum I think the only thing I did for myself since there was both of them was shower and even that was quick. As I'm breastfeeding I feel like I either have baby on me or toddler wanting to play I am insanely over tired aswell. So question is does this get better or is this life now? Also is it bad that I just want to feel like myself not just their mum?
5 Replies
It gets better as the feeds spread out BUT It is important to make time for yourself. Wether that's your partner taking the baby off of you for a few hours or putting the toddler in daycare/crèche one day. Don't wait until you feel you are going to snap.
It most definetely gets better!! I remember crying when my second was born and had a 2 year old that it was all too much! I think you just have to be kind to yourself and I found giving myself even half an hour at night when they were asleep or hubby would have them just to do anything nice! Sometimes it was a long hot shower and putting some nice cream on or just getting out for a walk even if just around block! It will pass my kids are 3 and 5 now and it's funny cos you miss the previous moments feeding and them being so little even though at the time you feel it will never end!! Just remember you are important too Mumma xx
Normal. Normal. Normal. Best thing you can ever do for your mind frame is to fully embrace and accept this STAGE of motherhood. It is extremely tiresome. Your kids are going to hang off you. You may not get much time to yourself. Will be harder to everything you once did before having kids. But of course, it's going to change. Constantly changes. You go through hard patches and easier ones. I think the 'patch' you're in right now, is definitely the hardest exhaustion wise. But the worst thing you can do is think it's not 'normal'... or have really high expectations. Lower your expectations! As in... if you don't shower every day... who cares. If the house is a little messy... or you have eggs on toast for dinner... who cares. You'll send yourself crazy with high expectations and a lack of acceptance that this IS motherhood. BUT... ask for help if you need it. Try to go out with your hubby or friends maybe once a month to de-stress.. I never had any help, so I never got that... but would have made the world of difference.
My second son is 3 months now and my other is 2. I know what you mean. Breastfeeding also and I remember saying to my husband in the beginning "OMG what have we done?" I thought I knew going in that the first while would be tough but I never thought it would suck the life out of me. I love love love them both so very much don't get me wrong, so I don't for one second think that you are terrible. Just remember your hormones are changing back and the sleep deprivation of a new born is harder with the added guilt of not being the one and only mummy to the toddler. It's easy to say take time out, make time for yourself but sometimes its not that easy. It does get easier.. my biggest wins are; accidentally putting them on the same bed time by taking the baby in when I was putting the toddler to bed, now they are both asleep every night at 730pm, finding the double trolley at Coles (one side has a baby thing and the other has the seat) and getting given a bath seat so I can bathe them both at the same time, now that he can sit assisted. Oh and never clean when they are both asleep miraculously in the afternoon, just take a nap. Good luck, watching the interaction between them growing is a massive reward for the few sleepless months.
Don't bottle it up. Tell someone. Your mum, your sister, your friend. Even if they come round at 5 in the morning so you can get a sleep in while the toddler is already awake and needing entertainment. You'll be surprised how honoured they will feel to be able to help even if it's just for the smallest amount... Don't be afraid to ask.... I'm waiting for the call