Similar to the post last night. I have zero sex drive and I feel as if it's putting a huge strain on our relationship. I had my first bub 2 years ago and got 4th degree tear.. since then I have hated sex (didn't enjoy it pregnant either) I hate anyone touching me there, it brings back memories and I just can't stand it! (I have been diagnosed with PTSD) It's gotten to the point where he can't even touch me (non-sexual) and I flinch.
My partner is extremely understanding and if we do have sex I know he isn't enjoying it because he knows I don't and I can't hide the fact that I find it uncomfortable, sometimes painful and just horrible.
I had our 2nd baby 3 months ago which also hadn't made things easier, (had a planned c-sec this time but scar is still painful to the touch and if he lays on it a certain way it hurts also)
I know my partner watches a fair bit of porn and I can't really blame him when I don't have the desire to do anything but it makes me extremely angry when he does watch it and I feel even worse about myself and don't want sex even more..
I'm having corrective surgery on my bowels in a month but also need surgery on my pelvic floor once Im
Done having kids.
What can I do to help? Am I the only one this has happened to? Can I get some help! I don't want to just 'put up with it' as I usually do...
Zero sex drive after damage during childbirth
Zero sex drive after damage during childbirth
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care
3 Replies
I'm sorry you are both going through this. Are you going to counselling together? It seems like you both could do with a safe place to discuss this issue together. It sounds like you have a great guy. I don't know if you are planning more kids than you have, but personally I'd be questioning wether another baby is worth it. I think I'd be wanting to get on with being recovered as quick as possible. I know you probably think that's very easy for me to say, but it's not. I do understand what it's like not having the number of children you are planning. I had to stop at one for mostly medical reasons. It really was the best decision I could make.
I agree with the other comment, going to counselling together would help you both through this difficult time as well as counselling for youself for the PTSD (If you're not already). I can understand the mixed feelings on him watching porn, have you discussed oral sex (for him) to try to help things?
God I am exactly the same except my youngest is eight... It's never come back. The porn makes me so feel so yuck and useless but I would never ever admit that to him. By watching it he becomes less attractive to me which doesn't help. I'm waiting to have similar surgeries which will probably help my esteem a little bit but yeah no sex drive at all. I've asked to have my hormones checked via blood test as maybe that might indicate something. I've heard testerone greatly increases a woman's libedo but this isn't something you seem able to get prescribed or buy. Poor us... It's a bugger isn't it. Hope things improve for you x