Hi. So ive been with my partner 18 months and living together for about 5 months but he would stay over nearly every night from about 6 months into the relationship. I have a 4 yr old from a previous relationship who i have sole custody. Before my partner came into my life, it was just them and myself from the day dot. Since moving in, my partner has taken more of a parent role which is great but he is more strict then me, which i think its causing problems. Today my son told me that he doesnt like my partner and he wants to just live with him and me. Im not thinking of leaving but i dont want to be one of thoses mums who end up with someone their kids hate which leads to many teenage and adulthood problems. My question is has anyone been in this situation before and had it changed around? Or ideas to improve their relationship? Ive asked him why he doesnt and from what i can gather its coz he is more strict than me and who likes getting in trouble? Ive also started a new job at the same time we moved house which has caused him some upset too.
3 Replies
You need to be clear with your partner that you don't need him to take on the disciplinarian role. That is your job and although he can back you up on your parenting, you are the lead. If he has a problem with your sons behaviour to discuss that with you first. Until he understands your parenting strategies etc. Explain to him that you want your son and him to be mates and close. But while he is trying to be boss that won't happen.
Also explain that you don't want your son to see him as the bad guy and that if anyone is going to be the bad guy it's you. Because wether your partner is around or not, wether you are single or partnered you need your son to know that you are in charge and that you have got this.
Also sit down with your partner in private and make sure you do have similar ideas about rules and raising kids. This can't work if he resents you for letting your son get away with everything (so he ends up stepping in out of frustration) or you have very different ideas about how to raise children. Explain your parenting ethos and ask him to explain his.
Not just who likes getting in trouble?
Who likes being told off/ punished by a new man on the scene. A non parent. For new things he never used to. He doesn't know the rules it's not fair. And it will not help their relationship, of course the little man doesn't like it, it's very negative and he wants positive.
A really good talk with your partner is needed.
Your partner needs to work on relationship building wayyyyy before he starts with discipline.
I believe only you should discipline him, or your partner only in the Same way as you use.
You both need to talk and get on the same page with a parenting strategy.
I agree he needs to step back from discipline thats your role.
Have they had any boy time? What does your son enjoy? Video games? Footy? Riding his bike? Can your partner put himself out there and have a bonding session? Do fun stuff together all three of you. Go yo the park, movies carnivals on the weekend and take a step back let him take on the mate role rather then the "father figure" that comes with time.
Agree with previous post sit down with partner n discuss expectations. Agree on a time frame maybe 3-6 months if things dont improve re evaluate the relationship your all in it your a mum first and you come as a package deal