I know this probably isn't the right place to be asking but I'm desperate and have no where else to go.
I have ONE current friend. Yes only one. She shall be named A.
A and my brother met when A was 14 (same age as me) he was only 16 and they broke up shortly after school finished so probably when we were 17-18. I have retained this friendship with her and we are now 22. Everything I have been through she has been there for and she has always helped me through my dark patches in my current relationship.
The only thing now is that my partner of over 3 years keeps telling me he doesn't like her because he knew her before he knew me and he seems to believe she is a cheater and cheated on my brother when she was with him.
Now I still kept this friendship as it wasn't exactly confirmed and I just kind of needed a friend because without her I quite literally would have no other friends apart from my partner.
We were messaging tonight and she accidentally sent me a message she was sending to another one of her friends which details what she did with another guy when she was with my brother (things I would class as cheating). I am truly disheartened by this and feel horrible and can't stop thinking whether I should keep this friendship or not. She's done this to my brother which I am absolutely disgusted with but on the other hand she is my only friend and a great one at that.
I mean they were really young when they got together and I understand when you are young you are well, young... And I think it's only affecting me badly because it was my brother she did this to! I'm not even sure if he is aware that any of this had happened!
I'm not trying to make excuses or anything just trying to figure out what I should be doing as I am so confused and lost and hurt.
Suggestions would greatly be appreciated!
9 Replies
They were young and yes if it was anyone else you'd still be her friend you're hurt because it was your brother.
Id hate if people judged me on things I did when I was 14. Or things I did in,past relationships actually. Guess it depends how much time has passed and how much she's changed.
Most importantly, don't hold onto someone because they're the only. You lose opportunities to find the right ones when you hold onto the wrong ones just because they're there.
I see what you are saying and totally agree. I think she has changed in the sense that she wouldn't do the same thing physically but she tells me that she says things to guys about something happening between them (a relationship) in the future "if it's meant to be" while she has a partner and a child
Did you ask her about it and she lied? Why was she texting someone details about something that happened years ago? If she's honest with you, is a good friend and doesn't continue to cheat on boyfriends now that she's older, I would let it go. Good friends are hard to find!
She has justified it to me just now after the mistake message. I have no idea why she's talking about it now with this person they were still friends in high school as well. She talks about this other guy now with me as in what ifs and "if it's meant to happen it will happen" with this guy and she says the same things to him but she currently has a boyfriend with a child. It's just a hard one because something I didn't mention, the break up cut my brother really badly and I feel restricted as to what I say around him and even think about my wedding with my current partner and having her as my bridesmaid by my brother being there also and if it would be awkward and cruel. But there has been a few years passed
Yes she was young, very young, most relationships at the age are not overly serious. I wouldn't let it affect your friendship. If she's a great friend and treats you well then no need to end it.
Honestly there is no such thing as a perfect person and perfect friend. Nobody is perfect, we all have pasts and we've all done shitty things or will do shitty things. If she is a good friend to you then that's all that matters. Seriously do you think your partner doesn't have a friend who has done shitty things he doesn't know about? More than likely!
Sounds like you partner and your friend are cheating on you. This is the reason your partner is trying to get you away from her.
Hate to say it but I agree! :(
That seems weird to me, why would she be messaging about it now?