Hi just wonder if you could post this so I can maybe get some ideas on how to deal wobbly situation from other mums.
Seven years ago I split from the father of my children. At first things where good he would take his girls once a fortnight and see them every Wednesday night. This lasted for about six months the before he would only get them when he could bothered.
After 12 months I moved an hr away in which he cracked the shits with me even though I agreed to meet half way on visits so he didn't have to drive so far.
Fast forward 12 months he up and leaves the state has no contact with his girls for nearly a year. He finally rocks up on my doorstep and wants to take the girls Interstate for two weeks which I agree on. 5 weeks later my girls still aren't home and he won't answers his phone and hasn't done for weeks. At my Witt's ends and a total mess I call his sister, who arranges to drop them at the airport as she had apparently had the the entire time.
A few months later he pops in on father's day UN announced hasn't spoken to his girls since they flew home. He took them over night and returned them in the morning. The girls then didn't hear from him for over 18 months due to him being imprisoned.
Since being released my girls barely hear from him. He promises he is visiting then doesn't show. Barely calls never sends even a birthday card even after telling them he will.
I've confronted him about not making promises he can't keep as it upsets them and all I get is abuse and told he doesn't need a lecture.
Everytime I try to defend my girls and their feelings I get told he will snap my neck, kill me, knock me out and all the rest of it (and yes I was in a physically abusive relationship with this man which is why i left Fast forward to today he has Finally showed up and wants to take the interstate again.
He bought my girls mobile phones for Xmas and told then he will set up face book for them.
(Keeping in mind my girls are 9 and 7 years old)
I cannot understand why he would even buy them a phone let alone set up a fb account.
Well I confronted him about the fb and said it was inappropriate, in return I copped a mouthfuls abuse and was told he is their parent too ad make decisions like that if he likes
(don't get me wrong I know hr has rights as their father) but bloody he'll Facebook at 7 and 9. That is just bullshit. His attitude towards the entire situation is frustrating.
He has now blocked me from calling him. Only calls the girls to sat when he will be here without concern of what we maybe doing and will not talk to me about anything in regards to the girls just does what he wants whence wants
I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do. I'm at my Witt's ends it is like dealing with a child and it is really effecting my mental state atm. I'm just expected to wait around when he takes then won't give me a time frame shows up hours later than he says he will.
Have Amy of you other mums been intros situation and how did you cope mentally? Because I'm really struggling.
9 Replies
No no no! Tell him he can't take the girls until he takes you to mediation and you get the agreement signed off on by the courts. Why are you letting him take the girls? He can't be trusted and should only have supervised visitation because he is a flight risk. Time to do things through the formal channels to protect the girls and you.
I wish I could tell Him no but I know that he will just get violent and take them anyway. He was not supposed to have my address as he is violent when he doesn't get what he wants but my youngest daughter told him other phone one day. I'm scared for myowm safety aswell as my children and I'm just not sure what to do.I'm trying to do the right thing by girls but also know what he is capable of as I've been on the receiving end of his new many times
Go to the police! Take the phones away from the girls they don't need mobile phones
Tell him to.see you in court. Take the phones away and DONT let him take those girls. He is harrasing you and i would be seeing the cops about that aswell.
I agree! Take the phones away, and cut up those sim cards! If you can, move! Do ont let him take those children! If he turns up, call the police straight away! Take control of the situation, don't let him do this to your family!
I am extremely, extremely for father's having access to a child.
But I'd be telling this useless @#$& that he can see me in court if I was in this situation!
Get rid of the phones, or put them away until they're older. Destroy the Sim cards!
If a Facebook account has been made, there's a way to report it and have them shut down, since your children are younger than 13. Facebook doesn't allow under 13.
Change your own phone number and make yourself a new Facebook account with a different last name (I used my middle name so I couldn't be tracked down). Only allow close friends and family. Block everyone you might have contact with him.
I know it might sound ridiculous, but he's obviously finding out your details some how.
Be careful who you tell information to.
Call the school and speak to the principal. Explain that there father is abusive and that they are to call the police if he or any of his relatives turn up. He's kidnapped them once (by refusing to return them). What if he does it again? What if he takes it a step further and hurts them just to spite you?
And most importantly - GO TO THE POLICE.
Get an AVO. Tell them that you're scared that he'll hunt you down when he finds out you've taken out the AVO.
Contact domestic violence centers. Do whatever to protect these girls!
Get every message, every shred of proof, every witness, and put a stop to his actions. All the proof of abuse, his disappearing, him refusing to return the children. Everything big and small.
And make sure you put your children on the AVO as well.
If he decides to go to court for parental rights, demand that it occurs at a contact center at his expense.
You need to stand up for your family. Tap into all of your strength and do what's best for the three of you.
Good luck. And I hope everything turns out okay. I hope to read an update in the future x
Update my girls decided they didn't want to go anyway and I out my foot down. I have to admit I have never been so scared in my life to stand up to someone but I had to for my girls no matter the outcome. We haven't heard from him since although he promised to visit and call. This is no surprise to me. Thanks for all your kind words and advice it is very much appreciated
Omg what a @##&&#&# 5 wks without contact what a waster my god get legal aid and run mama what a dangerous man do not give him any rights until he sorts his self out nooooo nooo nooo good luck
Get a therapist for your kids. Get an IVO mentioning the threats. Apply to the family court mention the threats erratic behaviour and the interstate parental abduction and have visitation reduced to supervised only for the childrens welfare.
Right now get in your car and go to the local magistrates court and get an IVO
Chances are due to the threats he will be refused mediation.
DONT destroy the phones he can have you charged if you do. Post the phones to his sister no point removing the sim card send them to his sister whole and intact do not keep them do not give them away you dont know how he has tampered with the phones he can likely track them.