My partner and I have been together for 15 years and have 2 children. The first few years were great, he was like my best friend. To make a long story short about 3 years in he became aggressive, physically, sexually and emotionally violent, I put him in jail, whilst there he was diagnosed and medicated for bipolar. I took him back thinking things would change, they did for a while but the last 5 have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. He self medicates with drugs and alcohol, he has no time for myself or our children, everything we do together ends up in tears by me or my children (or both) from his nasty attitude. We have just lost our house and declared bankruptcy due to his gambling addiction. We both work yet I do everything around the home, even the lawns. I don't drink or gamble and I spend all my time with the kids but he constantly accuses me of affairs. Our families think all of our issues are sorted and we're happy, they think we've sold the house with plans to build again in the near future. I'm tired, I'm not happy, the kids are not happy, I want to go but I can't leave him in this mental state? He doesn't look after himself! how do I walk away without killing him in the process? I can't do this to my kids anymore but they need their father around x
How do I leave when he is struggling with mental health?
How do I leave when he is struggling with mental health?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
Get yourself some counselling. You need to understand and learn that he is NOT your responsibility.
You need to see that you aren't looking after him and helping him as much as you think you are. His mental health is his responsibility, there are plenty of supports out there if he chooses to use them.
Also living in this environment is terribly damaging for the kids. You are increasing there risks of living in abusive situations as adults. You are damaging them by staying. Kids always need to come first
Because you can't stay out of guilt or fear. At some point you have to realize you're not responsible for him. He will sort himself out and if he doesn't, it's NOT your fault. At least you and the kids aren't drowning with the ship.
This seems to be a common story of abusers, them being so broken and fragile the abused partner actually feels bad for them and can't leave. It's also a tactic they use, a string they pull on to make it harder to leave. You're not responsible, only they can help themselves.
You are responsible for you and doing the best for the children.
Make plans to leave you sound misrable and your kids probally are aswell. Before you leave ring his parents or someone he can rely on tell them the situation and ask them to be their for him when you and the kids leave. Leave him a letter telling him how you feel ask him to get help and make sure you let him know you care about his well being but just cant keep doing what your doing. Its time to put you and the kids first rather than him. All the best
The truth is better out than in. Tell his family every thing and maybe work on an intervention to seek help. If all else fails run. Life is to short to be unhappy and your kids deserve more then what he is offering as a dad which sounds like nothing at all anyway. I know it's easy for us to say that behind a keyboard but there is help out there for him he needs to wake up to nothing to realise what he's doing is not healthy for anyone. Good luck i hope life works out well for you ♡
I have lived what you are living. I am now a decade since leaving and mine and our daughter's life is so much better. He's still her dad and is very involved in her life. Us leaving was the kick up the backside he needed to get the help he needed. Please leave. Do it for yourself and your children. They need a solid routine and a calm and safe environment. You can provide this. Do what you need to do Mamma.
Get out thats whats best for the kids