Just needing some advice on how to move past this rut I'm stuck in.
So. I had my ds 2 months ago by ceasar and got one of those Nast headaches you can get. So I was told to take caffeine tablets which is supposed to help it go away. 4 days of this horrid headache. I got really sick and started shaking uncontrollably for 20minutes. Finally got the caffeine tablets as I was still in hospital and took them. It was amazing. They worked headache was gone. I finally fell asleep and ended up having a nightmare to the point it felt so real and I woke up crying and spent the following hour crying and too scared to go back to sleep. In this nightmare I was being raped. It fel like there were 3 people there and I was bein held down. I was choked in this dream and I can just rember crying and sayin please stop. The worst part of it is that right before I woke up the one choking me was my partner.
I love this man more than anything and I know he lives me. He has never been abusive in any way towards me. He is actually the opposite. We hardly ever even fight. And when we do it's never nasty. We sit down and talk about it. We are getting married in 2017. I haven't told him about this as I don't want to hurt him and I know this would but I don't know how to emotionally get past this.
Back story. ( I was sexually abused by my step dad for 7 years I was 5 when he started then sexually assaulted at 13 by my best friends step dad.) I feel angry all the time as I love him and I hate that I feel I am pulling away from my partner. I feel like it is destroying me and us. And I don't know what to do.
3 Replies
You go to your GP, and you tell them or show them what you wrote here. Ask them to refer you to appropriate counselling services. Your GP will help you access the correct services where you live.
It is quite normal for past traumas to surface around the time of pregnancy and new baby so please dont feel guilty or bad about it. Best thing is to deal with it asap. If your partner is supportive let him know whats going on. Most importantly talk to your gp, if they are dismissive then please see another one. Becoming a new parent if a very delicate and trying time, dont be afraid to reach out for support. Best of luck xxx
Umm you are about to marry this man. You need to tell him. You would be sabotaging your own relationship if you didnt. Your behaviour towards him needs to be explain. Tell him its not his fault and explain it all to him including your past if you haven't already. A realtionship as deep as marraige should be built on trust.