Am I the only one who feels like being a single mum gets the crap part of the deal.
My kids are 2 and 5 and their Dad decides to end it after being together for 15 years because its all too hard and has gone back to live at his mums.
Mind you he is 35.
He has the kids every second weekend while I work but the kids are with me the rest of the time apart from Kinder/childcare.
I've asked him if he can have the kids for a couple of the public holidays coming up so I can work for the extra money but have been told from him that he needs a life too.
I love my kids more then anything but where's my life, this is my life now just looking after the kids and working a few shifts.
No time out or holidays for me.
I guess I'm just angry that he can walk out and you have to carry on with all the responsibility on your own and he just has them for a couple of days a fortnight.
I feel they are his kids and responsibility too and shouldn't he want to spend time with them.
Single Mums
Single Mums
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
I agree, I got left holding the baby 21 years ago, never heard from him again. It gets easier, yes he should want to spend time with his kids. But it is what it is and I basically decided I couldn't stay angry forever and just got on with it. Yes it's frustrating sometimes and it's limited my work options. I'm still holding that baby today as he has multiple severe disabilities, get 9hrs of support from the government so there is not even the option to work at all.
But honestly in the end a dad is sometimes easier to deal with that's disinterested because you don't have to consider his feelings when making decisions.
Depends on him... Unless there is abuse or safety issues I'd be telling him that parenting is 50/50 and both of you need to share it equally. Time for him to step up! If not well... I guess it is just something you'll adjust to in time. Good luck!
Whilst I agree with you, and wish more mother's were like you and offer the father more time, you just need to take a step back and take a deep breath.
Some people are just useless parents and its unfair that you both are responsible for bringing them into the world, but you get all the responsibility and he gets all the fun. You can't really parent on every second weekend, so he instead gets to be the friend. And that would be frustrating as hell.
But you can't change that, so instead try and remind yourself how lucky you are. I know many parents who would love to be a single parent full time (instead of the weekend parent), so just try and remember how lucky you are that you get to kiss your frustrating little bundles goodnight almost every night.
Hopefully your ex realizes how lucky he is that his children have a mother that thinks parenting should be equal! Hopefully he decides to step up and realize its not about him or his life', but the children's. (And, on that note - when do you get a chance to live? He has 10 days a fortnight to 'live' - you have 2) But until then, you'll need to keep your head held high. Use your children as your strength and just remind yourself how blessed you are.
Fingers crossed your ex steps up!
I was in this situation a few months back. Oh the emails I have of me literally begging him to see the kids more as it was really affecting them, his answer was that he was too busy at work. There will be moments where you just literally cannot believe this is the man you married that this man is their father you will feel completely dumbfounded by his behaviour.
Just take a deep breath and sit back it will change, 5 months later for me he wants to see them more realises wrk is not that important
just stop asking him to have them he's not listening your only upsetting yourself,
Hire a babysitter and take yourself out do it once a week.
I have a girlfriend who says to all our friends when they talk about having babies - "only have kids if you are prepared to raise them on your own" Cynical, but unfortunately it's the way it happens most of the time - mums (generally) don't leave/desert their kids... it's not in the DNA...