Can you post this anonymously please.
I dont know how to leave. Apologies for the long post in advance. Me and my partner are originally from the same state but moved together to another state and shortly after started a family.
Our relationship has been on a downward spiral for what feels like too long, i am beat and defeated and have nothing left to give. The relationship has become violent and he constantly makes me feel worthless and like im not worth being here, i have never had thoughts like this before. Its an awful feeling and i think i have finally realized its time to walk away. All we do is fight and somehow the moment i open my mouth or the way i sit everything is my fault. And i know i dish it out sometimes in defence but i feel like i cant say a word these days so i dont. Im miserable.
Tonight things just got worse and worse and he makes me feel like im loosing my fricken mind. It escalated and i asked him to leave and he wouldnt. In the mean time the kids woke up from him not lowering his voice. He just kept at it and tried to bribe my daughter with a kinder suprise. I packed up and grabbed the kids to leave bcuz they shouldnt be exposed to this but he has hid my bag and keys to the car. I didnt want to call the police to have them make him leave and so i called his mum as we have no other support up here and without telling her anything she pretty much said im going to make the kids see their father like this meaning if i call the police bcuz she said he wont listen to her. I hung up on her immediately. I feel so ganged up on when im trying my best. I just thought she could speak with him to get him to leave peacefully.
He works away and i work full time. I have no family here and minimal friends but i want out. I just want to go back home. I got legal advice a few months back and i have an appointmebt scheduled with relationships australia for mediation in the new year to try and do things right and legal but i cant stay until then. He wont leave and i cant keep living like this. I need to be the best i can for our kids and he is making me loose my mind slowly to the point i think that maybe i am.
How do i leave? Can i leave the state? He is so unpredictable nowadays but makes me feel like its my fault somehow. We have a house that we are leasing and animals and debt and bills and assets i dont even know where to start. I just want to walk away from it all and take the kids and start fresh but i dont want him to be able to send me back on a plane back here. Any advice mummas i need your help.
And my intention is not to keep him away from our two children they idolize him and he has so much love for them and i want them to have a relationship but what we have is so unhealthy and is killing me inside and out. I am deflated, affraid and feel so alone i dont know where to start.
4 Replies
Ring an organisation like 1800respect they can help you get out safely. Otherwise Lifeline can help you too. But if you do want to leave and he tries to stop you you will have to involve the police. By keeping you from leaving he is ineffect kidnapping you!
The chances of being allowed to leave the state are very slim. But that decision doesn't need to be made yet. There are a lot of steps to go.
You may need to time your leaving around when he is away for work. Is there someone you can tell what is going on to, like a work colleague?
I am currently going through a similar situation where I have tried to leave this time last year and he stopped me. I have had thoughts about leaving all year and I kept the peace till I am now back home for holidays and don't plan on going back with him. I have family support here cause I am afraid to bring it up to him as he is emotionally abusive and I cant take anymore of it. I have a different situation though where his mum also left in an abrupt way and he throws that at me all the time. But I know now that is his way of manipulating me to stay. But after a year he hasn't changed if anything its got worse. I'm so scared of what's to come and I change my mind daily, I don't want to be single but I can't keep going like this either. We have 4 kids and they are feeling it too. All the advice I have been given is to leave when he isnt home. Keep the peace till then and then grab everything you need and get to a safe place. Good luck, hope it all works out for you.
I think you should consider staying in the house and moving him out. I understand you have kids, a job, animals it's a massive thing to up and move and not being able to sort that out might lead you tojust stay. You could move him out and get on with your life at least then you wouldn't have the pressure to do things in a hurry that you have now.
Good luck however you work it out, I hope you work it out soon
Can you have the kids go to a friends house for the day and then call the police so they don't see it happening ? Call them in advance and ask what your rights are if he is being physically abusive or preventing you from leaving then surely they can do something to help ? Otherwise wait til he is away for work and then leave yourself, if you are able to find somewhere to stay . If you go ahead and find somewhere that you can go then leave while he's away. it might make you feel better able to cope while you wait for him to go back to work . Your escape plan will be in place and it will be like a light at the end of the tunnel for you . I wish you all the luck in the world . You deserve to be happy , find a way to make it happen.
It will be worth it , you are worth it !!