Hi, i know I'm going to get mixed opinions on this as im having mixed feelings aswell but I need to do something. I have a gorgeous daughter, she's still an infant, not even 2. Anyway, I left a domestic violent relationship with her father when she was about 7 months old, it was a hard escape but we did it! He continued the usual "come back or I'll kill myself" "you have nothing without me" and the constant showing up causing a scene and hurting me. His a drug addict, weed, speed, crack, meth, he will do anything but stick a needle in his arm. When I left, I sucked it up and did the supervised visits myself (because I was a idiot, stupidly thought it was what was best but made things worse as these visits turned out to be time he got to try to talk me into going back) I ended up getting his parents to do supervised visitation with him instead, I refused to give my new address to him so he was not aloud to come with the pick up and drop off, his mum changed a couple visits as she had things on, I always tried my best to be flexible with it but I also have another child to a previous relationship, so I had to work around that also. Anyway, I couldn't change a visit one week and all hell broke loose! He called me up and told me he no longer wants to do things like that, he wants to go to court and make my life hell! He told me he didn't care if he didn't see his daughter again his only goal was to drag me through hell in court! And if I was to contact his mother or father again he would skin me alive.. Safe to say I finally put a restraining order on him. This was about three months ago, I haven't heard from his parents and that would be because his also threatened his mum and she is quite scared of him (his hurt her in the past also) he has broken the restraining order (only with "I miss you" and "im sorry" messages
Im rambling quite a bit so I'll just get to the point. He hasn't seen her for 3 months, his in and out of rages and his a heavy drug user. He will never be clean, I tried, for years I tried, before I tried, his parents tried, his clean for 6 months and then goes straight back. His lost all his friends and family, the only people that speak to him are his mum and dad only, his dad protests it but his mum brings him round everytime.
I don't want to wake up one day to court papers when my daughters 10 because his finally decided he wants to be a parent or something. He has made his priority several times, himself and drugs, his never chosen his daughter. I want to know what I can do legally. I want to know how I would go with removing his rights completely. I know this sounds harsh and I have thought long and hard and spent nights not sleeping over this. But he will never be an actual father to her! Im not a spiteful person, im not angry at him anymore, I've had counselling to get over him and to accept the abuse I received, this isn't about him, this is about my daughter who deserves a lot better!
He hasn't taken me to court, his stayed silent since I had him charged for breaching the restraining order, it's been three months since his seen her, and I honestly don't think he will bother seeing her, but I really don't want him on my door step in 8 years or something deciding she is now important, is in her life for 6 months and then back on the drugs and she no longer exists in his world. I think I don't really stand a chance, his never really hurt her, sure his yelled at her, and his pushed me and dragged me whilst I've held her before, but never physically hit her! I just want to know others stories of whose been in a similar situation? Thankyou.
2 Replies
Before making a decision get legal advice.
Here is my story though. Lots of threats were made by him but none of them he followed through on because deep down inside he knew he stood not a chance in hell in the court system.
Just because he asks to see his child doesn't mean you have to provide. Your response should be only once you've organised mediation and we've been accepted into a supervision centre! Not a family member, a centre. Bet he can't even organise the mediation. Which means he would never get the certificate to go to court. Because he can't take you to court until he has attempted mediation.
Courts very very rarely remove the rights of one parent. Even putting babies up for adoption in this country is almost impossible!
So you'd definitely need legal advice to see if your situation would qualify.
Sounds like if he ever came back you could do short supervised visits and he'd never behave himself long enough for It to progress to anything more. And if he does, over time, that would be good, but doesn't look.likely anytime soon.