I don't know how to let anyone love me, I feel unworthy of love. I am a single mum of 7. I was permanently kicked out of a church when I was 23 because I was having a baby without being married. I had been married but my husband, who was violent, left me with our 3 little children. I met someone else, got pregnant with my 4th and I wasn't married. I now have 7 children and I'm still not married, I have continued to make the same mistake over and over again. I love my kids with all my heart. They only have me though, because of the choices I've made. I know I'm going to hell. I think if you keep repeating the same mistake, then you have no one to blame but yourself. And I've met someone who says he loves me but I can't even let him be nice to me. I feel like I don'd deserve to be loved. I've tried going to other churches but I feel like a fraud, I feel unredeemable. All I want is to be loved, but I won't let anyone love me. I don't even know what I'm asking.
2 Replies
Wowah! You need to take it easy on yourself! In the church I go to, we believe that Jesus doesn't count your sins, he died for them all because he loves you - He thinks you are worthy of his love. If you were kicked out of a church because you made a good choice to leave an abusive relationship then made a 'mistake' by having another child, I think they may have done you a favor; find a church who will love and accept you where you are at in life but also encourage you to grow from where you are without judgment.
Have you looked at seeing a psychologist about your feelings toward yourself? They may be able to help you find the cause of you feeling unworthy and help you work to forgive yourself and others, to start to heal your soul. There are some fantastic psychologists who are Christian (sorry, I just realised I'm assuming your faith background) or other faiths, that can help you on your healing journey.
You have my love and prayers right now, for you and your kids. Parenting 7 kids would be a task and a half! You are doing great mum, look after yourself!
Those words at banishment have cut you, stayed with you and you rebelled against them further, to the point that you've gone so far that you don't even love yourself. You feel that community does not accept you .. But do you accept yourself ?? You cannot change what is passed you can only choose to walk in the light going forward make good choices for you and the kids allow their God given love to wash over you. Even the most stubborn of sinners can be bought back to the fold and celebrated as a triumph in gods eyes. Be that triumph. Find your new church where you fit and are fulfilled also by what they offer xxxx merry Christmas with love xxx