Hi ims,
Please don't judge. Might be a long read.
My question is am I over reacting? I live with a friend who is pregnant and has suffered with really bad morning sickness throughout her whole pregnancy. My toddler son also lives with us.
This friend of mine has smoked pot throughout her whole pregnancy (I smoked ciggies with my first am currently pregnant with my 2nd and I've quit smoking. I also don't smoke pot) to "help" with the nausea and symptoms of pregnancy.
Before hand I didn't have a problem with her smoking in the bathroom with the door closed until my partner informed me (he also smokes and does not live with me permanently) that she would smoke a bong and then my son would sometimes go straight in there after she had been in there. Without the room being aired out, or that my partner would say I'm going for a shower with son and she would run in there and smoke a bong straight before they got in the shower n stink out the bathroom.
I asked my friend nicely not to smoke in the bathroom anymore as I didn't want my son to be breathing in the marijuana smoke etc etc. She agreed not to and said she would smoke in the toilet after my son had gone to sleep as she got up numerous times a night to smoke. We had both agreed to this.
Come yesterday I go out for the morning with son and come home to my partner going off at flatmate as bong was bk in bathroom again whilst we had gone out. Flatmate and I had a row over her not respecting my wishes to not smoke in bathroom whether my son was at home or not. I got the shits and completely banned smoking bongs at all in any part of my house and if she wanted to smoke to smoke out in shed which hubby was already doing.
Come last night n everything had cooled down n flatmate asks me if she can smoke in her room whilst son was in bed. I said no as I was sticking to my guns n putting my foot down with it. Fast forward to this morning n I find out she was smoking in her room last night.. I completely flipped my shit because it was the 2nd time she had disrespected my wishes to not smoke in the house!
Yet another row was had n I had asked her what of it was your child? How would you feel? And I get nothing but I pay rent I should be able to smoke in my room bullshit. She is not on the lease and I think I am being completely bloody reasonable about not wanting it in my house anymore!
Have I overreacted im's? Is my hormones? The recent not smoking? Need some advice! X
10 Replies
Get her out of your house NOW! You are being way too lenient in my opinion. Doesn't matter if she pays rent, evict her. Most landlords these days don't even allow cigerette smoke in there house.
Uh... Why has it taken you so long to realise and make a no smoking bongs in a house with a kid in it rule.
That's a given. Not a reaction.
She's not going to like it, of course, but what's more important.
I would kick her out on her ass. Stop the partner from smoking bongs in your shed too. Do you really want people you love and trust to be the ones influencing your childs drug use when he's older? They're adults, they can go wherever the fuck they like to smoke bongs without bringing it into your childs life.
I don't care how much rent is being payed! Dare anyone to bring drugs of any kind near my child! It would be as good as final for me.
why the hell would you allow her to smoke anywhere in your house???
As other of said get her out of your house.
Thats disgusting. And you're allowing this. You are your child's only advocate. Start advocating better. I can't believe anyone would let someone on drugs around their child let alone in the same house and doing it IN THE HOUSE. By letting this happen you are neglecting to care for your child.
Your not over reacting. Your making healthy decisions for your family. She obviously doesn't share the same value or importance on good health for her pregnancy or your toddler. Your house, your rules. And don't worry about the fact that you smoked cigs with your first, if she brings it up. Your making healthier decisions now, have kicked the habit and is no reason for you to have to tolerate her habit and the effects on your family.
You accept what you allow. Set boundaries and completely prohibit it, or have her relocate. She might be a small time drug addict and user, but your ship will sink with hers the day Police knock on the door with a search warrant and give her a Court notice for possession and you a notice for permit use of place. Expect to be painted with the same brush the day she is busted in your house and have a red flag by your name re drug activity. Don't think that it won't happen, everyday small time drug users are in Court. No matter how much we love our friends, are you willing to go down in the same ship over this? Let alone the precedent and example you are setting for your own children by enabling the behaviour. You are enabling it, because you are allowing her to use a designated area. Enabling equals permit. You need to make a decision to prohibit the behaviour, or have her move. If she throws a lolly over it, obviously you were just a friend with benefits - somewhere where she could live and get high without consequences.
This drives me insane! Aside from the fact that it is ILLEGAL (so what sort of message are you sending your son by allowing it), pot is not a "safe" drug. There are no "safe" drugs. I have seen so many people use pot as a starting point for harder drugs; heavy pot smokers who have anger issues; a good friend with drug induced psychosis after years of smoking pot. I don't expect you to believe me just because I say it, and I don't have any government studies to back me up, I just have what I have witnessed and experienced. For myself, pot creates hallucinations and my best friend used to get very anxious when she was smoking pot and imagine that things were out to get her. Anything that can affect the brain and body like that is not "safe". Let alone pumping into yourself when you are pregnant. This is a no brainer. Your partner should not be smoking pot in or near the house and neither should your friend. Your friend is not on the lease, kick her out. Give her time enough to find somewhere else. She clearly can't accept your boundaries. And I would be having a serious talk to your partner about his drug use. This would be an absolute deal-breaker for me.
Seriously? You are all disgusting. Letting her smoke around with your child and unborn child. The poor kids it's sad that you are there voice and your letting them be in this position. Get her out and wake up to yourself put your children first. Hopefully she does as well. That poor kid what's going to happen when it's born.