My husband left our family for another women recently, still very raw and I'm trying so hard to be strong. We have 4 beautiful children together. This will be our first xmas with him not here and before things turned to shit it was mentioned that xmas morning he should come spend the morning here.. The thing is I can't stand being near him at the moment, he makes me so angry and upset. Xmas day is already going to be so hard, I have never spent the day/night without him and the kids, I'm feeling that having him anywhere near me on that day he will ruin my Xmas spirit.. What should I do? How do I over come my feelings towards him so that my children can see him Xmas morning? Or do I just stick to my guns and just let him take them in the afternoon like as planned?? Feeling guilty and sad for my children..
9 Replies
Maybe it's for the best that he doesn't come to your house on Christmas morning. Christmas is all about family and your family dynamics are changing.
Firstly your own well-being is going to suffer. It's going to be hard enough to put on the fake smile and face for your kids without him being there reminding you how miserable he's made you.
Secondly, I think doing something like that sends a message to the kids that they're still a family - with their dad and you together on Christmas morning it might give them hope that you will reconcile.
I'd tell him not to come.
I know how you feel. It's a tough road ahead but you will make it. Sending you some hugs and positive energy xx
Thank you xx
He doesn't need to be around you or at your house. You're not together you dont have to spend time together. It's new too, so also whatever happens this year doesn't mean it has to be like that forever after, it's just what you choose this year. He can take them in the afternoon if that's agreed.
Same situation here. he left for his girlfriend a couple of months before Christmas. The first Christmas he came over in the morning before our son woke up. I just did it for our son. It was so much easier than things are now. This year is my year not to have him Christmas morning. That's worse. It really does ruin Christmas. I can't stand December now.
It might sound trite, but it does get a bit better. I've been doing it for 9 years now. We trade - one year I get Christmas Eve/Christmas day, the next year Christmas night. Because of the distance between us, it was just too hard to do anything else. It does suck the years she is not with me during the day, because by the time I see her on Christmas night she is tired and grumpy lol. I will admit to feeling lacklustre those times she is not with me, but I no longer feel like my Christmas is written off. Hope things get better for you, no-one should feel like this at Christmas x
How old are your children? Do they have a full understanding you and their father are now separated? I think having him spend Christmas morning with you all as a family could be even more confusing for them as it may give them hope for a reconciliation, or confuse their perception of what your separation means. As hard as it may be for you to be separated from them for part of the day, it may be in their best interest to spend Christmas Day with you both separately as planned.
Big hugs to you Mumma this is not an easy time for any of you and I wish you the strength you need to be there for your kids and to come to terms with everything yourself xox
If you have made arrangement for him to see the kids in the afternoon, stick to that. There is no sense making things harder on yourself and your kids will pick up on how you are feeling. Don't feel guilty - you are facilitating time for them with their dad on Christmas so you have already done the right thing by them on that score. I feel your pain mumma. If you haven't already done so, I would make plans for yourself with family or friends for the time they are at their dads so you have some support and distraction x
I did the half n half Christmas day for a few years. It was always me doing the driving, dropping off etc. In the end I said enough is enough so now we do year on / off and works so much better. Less stress for all if the kids get a full day with one parent alternative years than always watching the clock for drop off time. And let me tell you, it will make your life and your Christmas day more special when you have them knowing that you do not have to share that year.
It really does get easier x
Oh my God, me too! Until I put my foot down. Now, if she is with me and he wants to see her on Christmas Day then he has to pick her up OR I will drop her off Boxing Day. Likewise, if she is with him Christmas Day and I want her for the night, I have to go to him and pick her up. The first year after coming to that arrangement, he rang me up and said there were no sober drivers and could I drop her off to him (an hour away mind). I said no and he hasn't pulled anything like that since.