Long story short my husband and i have had issues for a few years and the other day he decided that he no longer wants to work on our marriage as we have tried pretty much everything and nothing seems to work but he wants to remain friends because we have children together. I know its early but im really struggling with the whole friends thing, as much as ive tried i cant seem to get past the hurt, anger and frustration and i really dont want to be that person or feel the way i do. I want to be able to be friends with him and im really trying for our children but i just dont know how to get past this so i think what im asking is for any advice on ways that have helped you or someone you know. Thanks
How do i move past it to be friends for our children?
How do i move past it to be friends for our children?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
3 Replies
You acknowledge that he tried hard and that you tried hard and that it just wasn't working. You acknowledge that he did the right thing ending things. You analyse the relationship from a knew light acknowledging that both of you are flawed (everyone is) but your flaws were not compatible.
You cry in private and journal. You get it all out in private and with girlfriends.
He also needs to give you some space, being friends doesn't happen automatically and it's unrealistic for him to think it will. So set some boundaries with the under standing that given time and heeling you will be ready. Be clear about what you need regarding affection, texts, phone calls, visits with the kids. It's really hard to start to feel better if someone is giving you friendly hugs and sending mixed messages.
That doesnt mean you can't be polite in between exchanges and attend events together that are child related but for now yiu won't be watching DVDs together and having dinner.
A bit different because he totally fucked me over but was being a good dad and still being a mindfuck to me. I tried to be friends, having a chat when he called her, but it wasn't working for me. So I cut contact. Zero contact with me, give the phone to the child to answer and hang up, speak positively to the child about him and their relationship, other than that have nothing to do with him.
Focus on yourself, rebuild and restructure your life, and soon you'll be happy enough in your own life you'll get to a point where you can be civil, have a chat, send him a photo, just basically respect him as the father of your kids.
You don't have to be friends though, and don't push it straight away it's fine to take your time don't feel pressured because you have kids, like all breakups the best time for you to be friends is when you don't care if you are or not, and it takes time to get to that place.
I dont have any advise but *hugs*
Im going through this right now, he wants us to remain friends and I can see how difficult it will be.
Just take each day at a time and cherish your children x