Hi Sisters,
I'm sorry for the long post in advance.
How do you tell if someone is in a DV relationship when they live 300 ks away?
I don't know for sure but i have a sisterly gut feeling that my sister who lives 300 ks away is in a DV relationship of some sort with her husband. She only calls me when he is not around to and from work or on weekends when he is out. He moved her 300ks away about 5 years ago to get away from my family because he didn't like them. Not that she always admits it. I'm the only one in our family she talks to so i kind of don't want to ruin what we have left and ask her out right. Just some things she says it seems this way. She works full time and really long hours and does everything for their child and around the house because he's to tired she makes 4 times more then him (not that ot means anything) but she too is tired but still does it all. I don't know if she is i could just be making it up in my head but i can't shake this feeling. If she called me at 2am saying help me escape i would put my kids in the car and run miles for her.
Is there any slight remarks I can say when she calls or any way i can hint without asking? I'm all thr family she has left because she doesn't speak to any of my other sisters or parents so i don't want her to hate me if I'm wrong.
Sorry again for the long post.
7 Replies
I'd just tell her you love her, you want her to be happy and if she ever needs you, you'd be there.
I hid it from my family too. I just couldn't face the 'I told you so's' from them. I was ashamed. Why I felt shame I have no idea.
My family all hated him. I chose him. I felt isolated and trapped. Your sister could be feeling the same way.
I'm not an expert in anyway shape or form. I think just letting her know that if she ever needs anything at all, that you are there for her.
Maybe call her and keep in contact abit more frequently. Just being there is huge help.
Isolation is a huge factor in domestic violence so dont ignore your gut.
The more you are there the more she will likely open up to you. Listen to her. How she speaks what she says... good luck.
Could you go for a weekend? If she feels crowded or sprung she may recoil from you as well, as you've probably noticed most women don't actually want to be told their partner is an ass and they should leave him.
Its easier to open up to someone else going through shit with a partner that's a dickhead. Maybe you could start relaying dickhead things your partner does and how much you hate him for being so stupid and childish and hurtful in that moment.
Just always be there, invite her to yours so she knows there's always a room there for her anytime she feels like a ' holiday' and keep in contact no matter what.
Wow now that you mention it a few months back i was bagging on my husband for something stupid and she was responding more to it then other things. I might keep trying that. Also I've tried to go up for holidays i asked her a month ago and she kept saying we are busy this weekend that weekend ect so i gave up trying. Thank you
The poster ☺
All the best. Just keep the offer open with no pressure, bring it up every few months even though you know she'll probably decline.
What a tough position to be in. Your local women's health clinic might have some information info for you.
You should ask her, not sure how because it is a tough situation. I was in your sisters position not long ago, it wasn't domestic violence at first just severe emotional abuse which led to violence. My partner hated my family, would make me do everything for our baby, only came home when he felt like it and when he was home it was a constant fight. I didn't talk to family because I didn't want them to know how shitty my life was. It was embarrassing (too me) that I loved a "man" like that. The day my partner turned violent I wasn't speaking to family and felt trapped. It is the worst feeling. Praying it isn't DV, good luck xx