Sorry for the rant..
I am sick of so many negative comments being flung at me due to being pregnant and smoking.
I have been a smoker for 18yrs out of the 30yrs of my life. When I first became pregnant I was urged to cut down as much as I could. I went from a 25-30 pack a day to 8-10smokes a day. I even quit for two months but I was unsuccessful and started again.
I have been advised from my doctors and midwives that if I give up cold turkey I will put baby under stress and can miscarriage. i cant use patches as they give me a rash, nor champix as i have mental illness, and the gum makes me sick at the moment.
I eat extremely healthy regular meals with the littlest amounts of high sugared processed foods.
Baby is growing at a normal rate and has a strong 135bpm heartbeat.(am 37weeks)
But I still get hammered down with negative comments from my family and strangers about smoking whilst pregnant.
My father just come home from a 6week stint in rehab for drinking and without even asking how i was coping or doing, starts talking about himself and his experience. I light my first smoke for the day at 9.45am (been awake since 7am) and he stops half way through his scentance to say ' if anything turns out to be wrong with your baby, you only have yourself to blame..!!' Then continues where he left off.
My baby is healthy despite me smoking..!
I already have a plan to not be smoking whilst breast feeding and instead use nicotine gum to ween both me and baby off in a safe manner.
Also my partner smokes as well and he was the reason (plus lack of wanting to) I started up again and have had a lot of difficulty quitting, but does he get roused for it.. No..!!
Why do people constantly concentrate on the negatives instead of the positives..? Do they not realise that spewing these negative comments at me just makes me stress out more..?!?!
If you have nothing nice to say, please keep it to yourself..!!
38 Replies
Sorry but there's nothing positive about it. You might have it justified to yourself, but it's not a good thing, its a bit much to expect people to sit there and be Ok with you doing it in front of them, I definitely couldn't. They're just advocating for your baby.
Maybe use the negativity to motivate you to not do it infront of them, which would help you cut down even more, which is a good thing.
Sorry, I also think you're just trying to justify it to yourself. You know it's not the right thing to be doing and I know it's hard to quit but you are potentially doing harm to your baby by doing what you're doing and I think people have every right to say so. I hate to say it but suck it up or make more of an effort to not do it in front of people. If I saw a parent transporting their baby without a car seat, putting juice or Coke in an infant's bottle or sleeping with them on a couch I would also say something: these things are potentially harmful.
Your father is right! You are to blame if something goes wrong! It's a harsh reality of your choice to smoke while pregnant! It's fucking hard to stop I agree, its taxing on your body! But... The truth is we know the risks of smoking while pregnant and you are taking them anyway! Own it... And own it if something shit happens! The midwives and drs aren't telling you the truth about quitting whilst pregnant! The benifets of quitting smoking are almost instantaneous at any stage of your life! If it causes stress on you then there are also people trained to help you with that!
tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. the impact of stopping when a heavy smoker for the pregnancy is far worse than smoking through the pregnancy and thats coming from doctors.
as per usual the "experts" chimed in even after being told if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all....
OMG the poor mother's who use this site.
Well i'am an expert in this field and the 'cause to much stress' thing is not true. Cutting back on any toxin whilst pregnant is beneficial for baby and mother. SIDS is a huge risk to babies who have been exposed to nicotine while in the womb.
Cutting back YES Quitting outright for such a heavy smoker is simply NOT on the tables.
Ok. What ever makes you sleep at night!
They only advise that if you don't quit. It's the next best thing, at least to try to cut down. Don't kid yourself though.
I quit cold turkey from smoking a pack a day and no health professional ever advised me to keep having a few a day... That's outrageous!!
I'm not chiming in to attack her. She's posted on a forum and I'm giving her an alternative way to view it. She seems to play the victim, stress from smoking, stress from people's comments. On the other hand she's also saying quitting is best, so why not stop playing the victim and expecting everyone to back you. No Point getting so angry over people speaking for your baby's best interest.
good for you for trying to stop.
My mum had 5 kids. Stopped smoking with her first - 1st child has really bad asthma!! even though she stopped! she kept smoking with her 2nd, 3rd and 4th. All fine - no health complications she said she cut down to only 5 a day. Her 5th child she stopped smoking - 5th child also has bad asthma and a few lung problems.
A health professional recently told her that because she gave up she did in fact put the children through a lot of extra stress and actually blames her quitting cold turkey for both eldest and youngest children.
Basically, your damned if you do, damned if you dont.
Good for you for trying to cut down, glad to hear your baby is healthy!
What kind of health professional told her that?
A pulmonologist (hope thats spelt correctly) Lung specialist at Westmead Childrens Hospital. When the 5th child was admitted with yet another problem :)
Yep it also causes circulation issues if you stop suddenly.
I tried quitting outright landed in an ambulance literally was hospitalised for 4 days forbidden literally to quit during pregnancy. Only allowed to cut down. There is 0 benefit to bubs if my body literally goes into shock.
KELLY PLEASE HELP THIS MUM AND REMOVE THE ATTACKERS WHO JUST WON'T STOP!!!
(Poster)
For those that say "sorry" and then go on and attack me, how is this a positive or constructive critisim..?
It isn't..!
Those 8-10 smokes I have a day (sometimes less) have been a dosage of 4's from origanally smoking 12's.
I dont smoke in public, i dont drink alcohol and i dont do drugs.
I was looking for constructive critisim.
I am not trying to make excuses, but i have tried, and failed and tried and failed. Instead of getting some sort of positive reinforcement to continue to try, I get negative comments. Reverse phsycology only works on so many people (to which I am not one of them)
Negative comments influences negative behaviours. Positive comments influences positive behaviours.
This site is ment to be positive and encouraging. As I have already stated: if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself..!
I am already surrounded by negative comments reminding me of my failure's. I am just looking for encouragement to keep trying, those that attacked me are not helping..!!
Then perhaps you need to be speaking to a counsellor about these feelings instead of seeking positive reinforcement from strangers who you cannot possibly expect some of them not to have an extremely strong opinion about what you're doing. It does sound like you have done well to get to where you are and I'm sure your baby is far better off with you smoking at this level than at the level you started with.
I am sorry you're facing negativity constantly but if it were me you were lighting up in front of I would see it as you flaunting this in front of me. If you can't cope with the negative comments then my previous comment still stands - do it in private.
Did you read what she just said ...??? Apart from the fact it is HER BABY and HER Body I think everyone should just leave her alone! Nothing nice to say, don't comment !!!
I agree they need to stop even the professed professional doesnt have a clue.
God only know what her job is but she isn't a doctor. There are a hell of alot worse things than 10 cigarettes a day that can happen if she stops smoking.
All these seriously insecure twisted fkd up individuals who can't see beyond all or nothing need to seek therapy now they hurt everyone they come in contact with.
And they expect their victims to be thankful for being bullied.
She is on a PUBLIC SITE. It would be the same if she were in a public place and smoking - she could not reasonably expect to be patted on the back for smoking while pregnant when we know that it is not a healthy thing to do for her or her baby. We're not hunting her down and abusing her in her home. She put the question out there and she has to understand that people will feel strongly about this.
I am sorry to the OP that is she feeling bad about the negative comments she's receiving. I think she has done well to cut down to where she is. I hope for her sake that her baby is born healthy and without health complications. Good luck OP.
You can't blame people for being negative, if you are doing a negative thing! It's not like you all of a sudden realised smoking is bad for you...And shocked people might think its not a smart choice! Grow up! You posted on a forum with mums who have been through hell and back with their children, or lost children or had prems and would be quite offened when seeing or hearing a mother purposely doing something that could potentially put her baby at risk!
Yes we can....because her actions DO NOT WARRANT the attack you have all leveled at her there is NO justification for this you are all just vicious petty ignorant small minded bullies
Absolutely vapid!
Your attacking her says FAR more about YOU as a person than it says about her
I'm sorry you're taking different opinions from your own as attacks and seem to be really upset by them.
Sometimes a different opinion or new attitude is helpful.
If you're not getting the response you'd like from family, friends, this forum, at some point you might be better , instead of only wanting to hear that you're right, to realise why that is and stop expecting the response you are expecting. At the end of the day you're the one getting angry, defensive, rAnting about something that's going to be a normal response. That's how those comments , although they don't support your view, are intended to be helpful.
Just keep doing what you're doing. You're under the eye of health professionals so they will monitor what needs to be monitored. If you can go less than 8-10 a day that would be great! Maybe set a weekly goal to drop one more daily durry until the birth and there will be that little bit less to have to give up on while breast feeding. I think I was lucky, I smoked a pack of Winnie Reds a day when I fell pregnant and within 2 weeks I couldn't stomach them, they just made me sick. Both smokes and coffee lol, it was my pre-baby diet! People are always going to hate, for now it's the still smoking while pregnant, after the baby comes along it will be how you parent for the next 18 years. Imagine you are covered in teflon and don't let the shit stick.
Well done on cutting back it is the hardest thing to do and the doctors are happy with how Bub is progressing who cares, I to am a smoker and gave up whilst pregnant and guess what my kids have asthma, my mum didn't smoke at all and my brother has asthma. Many doctors actually suggest that if you are a heavy smoker when you fall pregnant to cut back and not give it up completely as is can do more damage than good as it does cause extra stress on your body. In saying that everyone has there own opinions on what you should and shouldn't do whilst pregnant or when raising your children if you look back on what our mothers, grandmothers did whilst pregnant the so called aurthorities would have a pink fit. Just keep on doing what you can and good luck
And it's not like you a drinking alcohol to excessive amounts or taking iligal drugs
It's good you have cut down, keep up the good work.
Yes, it is best not to smoke during pregnancy but as long as you are aware of the risks it is your decision.
And yes, your partner should be your partner in cutting down and quitting too - passive smoking for you and bub is not good. You are right - there should be as much pressure on him to quit as for you.
My only experience is 2 friends who smoked while pregnant: for one bub arrived a number of weeks early, for the other bub was on the small side. I do have a friend who works as a midwife - she finds it horrible that people continue to smoke during pregnancy.
I know you were talking about the gum, but also to consider is if you aren't able to quit and you end up for a number of days in hospital after the delivery but can't get outside to smoke? That can cause lots of stress too.
And most of the women attacking would likely be mothers who have no issue having an alcoholic drink during pregnancy - ridiculous. OP you are doing the best you can, good on you for cutting back, that's much better than some!
Why would you assume that? There is no known safe level of alcohol consumption during pregnancy, same with drugs or smoking and you'd have to be living under a rock to not know that.
What are you talking about? That is a very stupid assumption! Because someone disagrees with smoking durning pregnancy, means they are drinkers? Wtf?
In this day and age when we know so much about the implications of smoking and how detrimental they are not only on us, but on our babies, then it's hard to be supportive.
Firstly, good job on cutting down. But keep trying harder. You can do this.
I smoked for 9 years and refused to make the 10 year mark. I gave up cold turkey 11 months ago and it was tough for the first month but it got easier. The science to quitting is simple: expect it to be tough, expect to want to smoke at times but keep yourself accountable. No excuses. Just get it done.
Also, as an ex smoker I knew my biggest problem like all smokers is I played ignorance to the real damages it was doing to my body. If you pull off the blinders for five minutes and fully absorb the truth then i can promise you wont ever want to touch another one. It's a death wish!
Secondly in regards to your father i found your comment quite unusual that he just got out of rehab but you expected him to talk about you and not about him? I'm sorry love but thats selfish.
Thirdly what he said is technically correct. If your baby has health problems that were caused by your smoking then you are the only person accountable for this.
Lastly any health professional that tells you to keep smoking bought his degree off ebay and you need to find another stat. They dont care about you or your health.
And why wait till your BF to get on the gum? Why cant you do it now? What about seeing a hypnotist or speaking to a professional? You are trying love but not hard enough.
And stop looking for people to enable or support this behaviour, because as much as you do not want to hear it what you are doing is wrong for the health and well-being of you and your child, and you're both important and you both matter enough for you to quit.
Good luck. You can do it.
To clarify about my unusual behaviour towards my father. This isn't his first "vacation" to rehab. He treats himself to it 4-5times a year every year for the past 15yrs. Then complains about the other ppl that are there using is as their vacation spot. 'Pot calling the kettle black', if I seem selfish, its because i learnt it from him. This is my first child however. I am bound to get things wrong.
Hypnotism doesn't work on me, nor does the placebo affect..
Thank you for your constructive critisizm..
There are no positives to what you are doing. Would you put a cigarette in your newborns mouth? If the answer is no. Then why are you smoking when that precious baby is getting all these harmful chemicals. You say you have a plan to stop while breastfeeding, but you stopped for two months and started again..
Sorry if you dont like this negative response but there is nothinh positive to say..
My best friend was a heavy smoker, cut back during her 3 pregnancies, spent most of her 3 labours on the hospital verandah smoking.... All 3 babies were born severe asthmatics and had a nebuliser by their bassinet from a few weeks of age. I understand it's an addiction, but your child's health is paramount
Oh Hun this post and all the responses are going to make you feel even more like crap.
You're not alone though, I smoked through both my pregnancies. 1st one, the dr said to cut back which I did, he said the stress of quitting was too great of a risk for me (along with severe depression)
2nd time, I was on champix for a week but then found out I was 6 weeks pregnant so stopped the medication because it's not safe while pregnant. Managed to quit for 3 months but started again. My reasons for starting again was because of my depression and stress.
And yes I was lucky in the fact that both babies were born perfectly normal and healthy. I did feel bad for smoking while pregnant but I agreed with the dr and the stress and risk of trying to quit were too high for me.
Everyone judges you for EVERYTHING.
I did however hide it from people.
(Poster)
I do hide it from ppl, I don't smoke in public, but I won't if they come to my safe zone (my home).. My recentest ultrasound shows that baby is healthy and is 76% above average size, its heart, kidneys, lungs, placenta, umbilical cord and liver are working perfectly..
I too suffer with depression as well as PTSD, anxiety and BPD. I have tried cold turkey as suggested but I get sucicidal, erratic and extreamly angry (which doesn't help my BPD as it turns me into a completely different person who self harms) so i am sticking to the advive from doctors and cutting it down as much as i can, am currently down to 5 a day..
Not everyone is a text book example of a perfect person. Although they look at what I have written as black and white, not everything is always black and white. Judge me if you want but this is just a pin head amount of my life.
Sorry you've had to cop so much from so many. It's hard. And while this is a big issue, I could guarantee that if you were posting a question about some other issue there would be the 'perfect' mums out there telling you you're doing it wrong!!
Keep doing what you're doing Hun, one day at a time xxx
When I tried to give up in my first pregnancy I actually tried to commit suicide... I was 17 weeks pregnant. And tried to drive my car off a bridge at 110km/h. (I feel like saying - go on do gooders if you're reading this - tell me how much of a bad person I am!!)
All that happened was I broke my wrist.... Obviously I got the help I much needed afterwards. But I'm just sharing this because we're NOT PERFECT. No matter how many try and say or illude that they are. Oh and again nothing happened to bubs
Big hugs xoxoxox
Im sorry, no body is perfect and all u women r doing is making it worst. Smoking is an addiction, i have been there, i also smoked while pregnant, i am not proud of it, but i could not stop. I ended up smoking only at home and never in front of people. I tried to quit and just couldn't do it. I have 2 daughters both born at healthy weights and no respiratory problems what so ever. My doctor also told me to just cut back, as quitting cold turkey can put stress on the baby and myself.
Dont listen to all this negative, look back 20 years ago,nearly every pregnant woman smoked. I have pics of my mum holding me while she smoked a cigarette. Its no bodys business, all i can suggest is smoke when your on your own so people get off your back.
I have quit smoking now and its the hardest thing i have ever done butso happy i now have. Good luck mummy to be xxx