hello
I have suffered from panic attacks for 10yrs.
I was abused physically and sexually as a child.
My panic attacks have come back and its debilitating to the point where I just lay on the lounge all day and do what I need to for my 2yr old even tho I struggle to do that but I do it because he's my baby and he needs me during the day when my partners at work, I also do what needs to be done for my other 2 babies 11 and 8yr old even tho they're more sufficient and understand my condition so they help when needed.
Whilst I have my own issues, my 8yr old also has adhd which he isn't on medication for as I have been there done that and was against it until things started to get really bad with him at school to the point where he's actions caused the police and docs to be notified which hurt me and my husband tremendously, so now he is off to see a psych and will be put back on meds which I feel so guilty about :( but i know it needs to happen as my son is suffering from his actions he can't help as he seems to do things and then think about the consequences later.
Back to me, my panic attacks can last all day and then disappear for 2 days then come back. It's getting to the point where I feel so guilty for my kids and partner to see me this way that I feel like ending my life, even tho I don't want to but during the attacks seems like the only way I can protect my family from living and seeing someone they love shaking and vomiting all day.
My partner isn't very helpful he understands but questions me as to why I'm lying down as that's all he seems to see me doing which doesn't help me (causes more anxiety when I just got through and attack) the only reason I am laying down is because it seems to help during an attack and the only way I can calm myself so I do what I need to in order to get through it.
But he makes me feel bad. He goes into our room most of the time and all I want is to be held but he just stays away from me. I find that he loves to be around me the most when I'm happy and confident but no where to me seen when I'm struggling.
I feel alone in this and he knows that he tells me he doesn't know what to do.
I don't even know what I'm asking. I guess I'm just stick and tired of having panic attacks and scared when I think the only way out is to die.
My partner wants me to deal with it in away that he would but that just doesn't work for me and I'm just doing what I need to do for me in order to get through the panic. Why can't he see that?
I have changed meds, I have doc appointment, I'm seeing a psych. And I'm trying so hard to Eliminate this from my life and I'm getting there slowly, I just wish my husband was someone I could really lean on.
I'm there good and bad for him but I feel he's only there through the good times for me.
I would just like to say that my husband is hard working and a loving father to our babies he's almost like a mum lol so beautiful to our children and he spoils me too, anything I want or need he will get it. We laugh, and have fun together. He's a beautiful person.
But he just can't be someone I can lean on or go to when I'm struggling :(
2 Replies
It sounds like your husband needs some counseling and support himself. I am my adult sons carer he has some kooky disabilities that include panic disorder etc and I absolutely need my own person to speak to. I have my own mental health care plan and I need my own support network and need time to myself to revitalize. If I don't do that I have nothing to give my son and am in danger of going down with the ship so to speak.
I also need to know that he is doing everything he can, and that we are using all the services and treatments available. Otherwise everything wears me down. It is not that your partner doesn't love you he is genuinely hurting too, just as I genuinely hurt when my son is in a bad way. We get scared too.
It sounds like your family needs some real supports put in place. Have you spoken to your local council as they offer services in your home for a very tiny fee like cleaning, gardening work etc. That could be something really little that would lighten your load. Can your youngest go to daycare a few days a week so you have a day where you don't have to do. Is your husband in touch with the local carers association? They offer supports for adult carers and carers that are children.
Relationships australia will be best for this situation individual counselling not as much although would be handy the priority needs to be communication between the two of you and relationships australia can help you both draw up what is called an action plan for these panic attacks which tells him pretty clearly what is needed from him at these times.