Hi everyone - first post. Bit nervous.
I am due to have my first baby in 6 weeks! I'm so excited! However! I've had a bit of a bad run; although I try to remain positive for my baby's sake I feel everything is crashing down.
First of all, this beautiful baby is here due to Not a very nice story.
When I was about 14 I joined a sporting club, predominantly ran by males. There was one man in particular who I must have caught the eye of, he began following me to the toilet.... Standing behind me in the club rooms rubbing himself up against me, befriended my parents so he could drive me home from training etc.... I never thought much of it.
Until I hit about 17 then I realised everything he was doing isn't quite right.... This isn't normal, I should have a boyfriend, I shouldn't just be quiet about this... So I went to my mum and told her what had been happening for years. Well, that didn't go down well... She threw me out, said I was an attention seeking liar along with a lot of other lovely names she could think of at the time. I went and stayed at a friend for a few days before going to Centrelink and explaining what happened and being put in emergency house... 3 weeks later I turned 18... 2 days after that, I found out I was pregnant. So here I am, barely 18, pregnant and basically homeless.
I was really lucky that my social worker through Centrelink was able to find me a rental I could afford and a job until I couldn't work any longer.
The job didn't earn much and rent and food and all that jazz is expensive. So I'm just scraping through... All my baby's clothes (there isn't much) are from an op shop... He will sleep in my bed as I don't have a cot and I have managed to save enough to buy 2 boxes of nappies and some wipes... My payments will increase slightly once he is here but I am so scared that I won't be okay! I won't have enough and I won't be able to make it work! I'm so scared that my poor baby won't get everything he deserves and I'm not sure how to move forward for his sake. It'll also be my first Christmas alone, with a one week old baby and I won't be able to afford a tree. I'm just heartbroken.
Anyways more a rant than a question... I just was wondering is there anyone out there like me or has been in my position and can share some anecdotes or advice! Thanks for reading!
37 Replies
Oh sweetheart. That's a terrible story I'm really sorry for you. I'm glad you reached out you must be scared. One good thing - you have your own place!!! First and hardest hurdle done! And second- the centrelink payment will go up a lot once you have your baby. Get your claim done now and forms in ASAP, ask them to speed them up because you're young alone and desperate. You'll have enough to support you and your baby and buy nappies. You can pick up a bassinet from buy sell swap sites for $30 and that'll do five months or so. Also ask.on local Fb groups if mums have hand me downs - there's so much baby stuff going around.
You'll be fine once your payment goes up. All the best and congrats!
I have all my forms ready. I just feel like I'll come home with him and everything will be so incomplete.
I've looked into a few BSS sites but a lot of people have crazy prices on them, might as well get a new one! However there is a lovely op shop here that has taken down my number and said if they get some baby stuff in they will call and give me first preference! I am very lucky! I know I am! A roof over my head and a healthy baby on the way... You just can't help but stress over the small stuff! (:
It's also an instinctive nesting urge. Animals build nests and fluff things, we shop and scrub cupboard tops. It's a Natural urge, but babies really don't need much. Especially new ones. You'll be tired and homebound, and just so in love, and did I say tired! It's scary but your baby needs nothing but you.
Where are you from?
Do u know the sex of your baby?
Take a day at a time, you can do this.
Mothers are strong and the fact that you are worried now means you will make a excellent mum.
Join some mothers groups for company and they may be getting rid of stuff that you may be able to use to.
Don't panic Hun, babies are not to expensive, u don't need to much things. And the big stuff u can pick up second hand cheap or even for free.
A couple of singlets, 3 all in ones, nappies - woolies have some for $2.50 now or Aldi are cheap few socks and thats plenty till u can get on ur feet.
Hope you reply back.
I'm from South West Vic.
He is a beautiful little boy (:
Oh really! I'll have to go look in woolies! Thank you so much for your tip. I try to buy $20 worth of stuff each fortnightly payment so then it's not a huge outlay of expenses but I still have the basics. For example last week I bought two packs of maternity pads and some baby soap and powder. So then hopefully I'll make it through until my payments get a bit better (:
things like baby powder and soap last a really long time. So unless you obsessively wash a powder you should be right for ages :)
Aww congrats a beautiful boy.
I have three girls :-)
I'd really love to send you little gifts if you would allow it, just to help you and at the same time it gives me a 'pen pal' lol...( old school I know)...
I'm in Sydney..
I posted anonymously b4 but if you would like to add me I have let my name show now...
Is there some way I could private message you? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with my name going up publicly just yet. I don't expect anything at all! I was just venting! However have a pen pal could be nice (:
Yes you can add me on fb
If u like and message me there.
It's a pic of just me.....
I couldn't find you ):
I'm going to try and sleep now, I'll hunt a bit further in the morning! Thanks for your message though! Appreciate it!
Aw bumma
The pic on here is of my partner and I.
But fb is just myself.
See how u go tomorrow.
Rest up ?
Night.
Ok, take a breath, you can do this. Babies really don't need as much as people think they do. In fact all they need is nappies, some kind of food a few singlets and something to be swaddled in. You will find you collect stuff as you go quite quickly, as you'll be on parenting payment single and you'll get FTB and rent assistance. I slept in a draw for a few weeks as a baby and I think it is in holland where they sleep in a box for awhile. So you don't have to have everything. Babies need love.
Contact the salvos, anglicare etc and see if they can help you.
Have a look on pinterest for alternative christmas tree ideas.
You can also ask to speak to a social worker while you are in hospital with bubs (stay in as long as they let you).
Thanks! Good advice! Trying to stay calm and like I said I'm very lucky in retrospect, I guess as a mum you just want to give your baby the world (:
I think it's Finland where they come home in the cardboard box! It's a pretty cool system they have there!
Hey sugar! Please add me on fb too... We have lots of baby stuff you can have! I have two boys! I can send via post! You are going to be an amazing mum! I can tell by the fact 1. You are putting your child first
2.you aren't letting yourself be a victim
3. You are asking for advice!
You should be really proud of yourself!
Thanks so much for your reply and offer! I honestly can't believe people's generosity! It's making me tear up! I do not expect anything or more so expect any hand outs, I was more just venting (:
I think I found you on Facebook, is your picture you with a man with medals around your neck? (:
Yeah that's me :)
Just sent you a quick message (:
Geez I wish you were in Brisbane... I have a cot and mattress still in mint condition. I also have a load of tommee tippee bottles. I would have parted with them for nothing as I have no use for them... :-(
Thank you so much for the thought! Maybe donate them to a charity or support centre as I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling or scared out there (:
Lovely you will notice your benifits will go up quiet alot once your bub arrives. You will be entitled to rent assistance, single parenting and family tax a&b. It will truly be enough to make ends meet plus provide the necessities for bub. Kmart is so unbelievably cheap for anything baby related. I find kmart can be cheaper then some op shops. Best of luck. You sound like an amazing mummy to be.
Hi if there is anything you need please ask. I'm happy to help you out.. im a single mum of two and live in nsw now so if you need to talk or just need to vent or are struggling please contact me. . Sending hugs to you..
Thanks so much! I appreciate your offer but I'm sure all will be sorted once he is here. I was tired last night and just needed a vent (:
The offer will always be there if you need to chat to some or need help k..you will be a great mum to ur baby..
Oh also, you could find a mums group or playgroup local to you, and go down before you have your baby. Let them know you're expecting and most mums will be more than happy to talk about life with babies with you! and you'll have something to keep you social that you can keep doing after you have bubs.
Yes don't waste money on baby products you won't need. Soap lasts forever. Plus you get a bounty bag with little soap and sorbolene in that's enough to start.
My tip is don't buy any products like that, just coconut oil. You can use it for everything; baby massage, on their head\ hair, their dry skin, on their little red skin creases, on nappy changes, and also on yourself, dry lips, dry skin, moisturizer, one product for everything, all natural no chemicals around baby, and it makes them smell fantastic!
Thanks for the tip! There is so much to learn!
Hey hun, I live around that area too ? I may be able to help you out with some baby stuff. Send me a pm on FB I'd love to help xxx
Rebecca Angus Mathias
That's me on FB
I couldn't find you ):
Where abouts are you located. It would be nice to have a friend near by (:
Ive got newborn clothes i can send you some are brand new washed never worn some worn only once. Please pm me your address on Facebook id be more then happy to post you out some nice stuff for ur baby xox
I was a young mumma too. It is hard but you will get there. I'm hoping you will see this message and find me on Facebook. Search for me and send me a PM, I'd love to be able to help you with something small for your darling boy xx
Thank you so much! But honestly it's okay! When I wrote this I was exhausted, hormonal and basically an emotional wreck! I'm mentally much better. I have almost everything I NEED the rest is just materialistic stuff, he has all the basics and we will pull through (: I am blown away by everyone's generosity though (:
When I brought my daughter home, I was told to use soap , just a soft cloth. So even the 'essentials' that people think they will need aren't really essentials at all. Also Kmart do a carton of wipes for $9, these were the only ones I used on my daughter once she was around 6 months old. Prior to this I used cotton makeup removal wipes and water, but a washer would do the same and you can then wash and reuse.
I'm in Victoria/Melbourne if you'd like to add me on fb for some support and I can add you to my mums group :)
Could you find me on fb and pm me? This story has hit me like a bullet in the chest and I'd love to send you a little something to help
Thank you so much! But honestly it's okay! When I wrote this I was exhausted, hormonal and basically an emotional wreck! I'm mentally much better. I have almost everything I NEED the rest is just materialistic stuff, he has all the basics and we will pull through (: I am blown away by everyone's generosity though (:
Oh hunny I am so sorry your are in this situation bring tears to my eyes. BUT everything will be ok. You have reached out and that is one of the hardest things to do. It is natural to feel scared and unprepared. I had my 1st child at 17 and had no idea what the hell I was doing I don't really think any first time mum does 100%. Even with my son who is now 10 mths Old have moments where I don't know what I'm doing. Yes it bloody hard but also the most wonderful times of your life. ? I have just left Australia but please feel free to add me on Facebook Roxanne brook. Even if it's just to chat. You are doing great. I am an admin in a group who can help you. I can put you in contact with them if you like please feel free to message me anytime. Take care xox