I feel so guilty, I love my baby but I miss how easy life was 4 weeks ago. I miss how my bond with miss 2 was, she's so hard to deal with now. She ignores everything I say and hides to do what I've asked her not to. I try being gentle and just end up yelling. She's only little and I know she doesn't understand but she's just so frustrating, everyday.
I miss sleep, eating, spending time with my little girl and so many other things.
I love my little man with all my heart and I wouldn't trade him for the world but I don't know if I just forgot or if it really is harder this time. He feeds constantly, won't take a dummy, cries when ever he's awake and not held, and wakes up as soon as miss goes to sleep (and every time I put him down today).
DH is amazing when he's home but he's self employed so always at work, and then I feel guilty again when he gets home because I instantly dump miss on him so I can deal with Mr. I feel bad for him not getting a break and I feel bad for not looking after her myself.
I don't have a question I just needed to say it out loud so it would hurt less.
7 Replies
Having a 2nd baby is so much harder than the 1st. I have 22months between my 2 and I swear it feels more like I've gone from 1 kid to 7! I have struggled with some of the same things you are struggling with. I miss my bond with my 1st - we were so close and now I have a baby attached to me 24/7 (or so it seems). My 2yr old's behavior went crazy with all the change - we had to be very gentle to help her overcome the emotional outbursts. I get impatient and sometimes I yell (I'm really working on this as a don't want this to be a normal, acceptable behaviour in our house). My baby is 5 months now and it's still hard, she has reflux which makes her super clingy. I phone the PANDA hotline for support they helped me to connect with some local support services. They have been very helpful.
Be kind and gentle on yourself. As time goes on it will get easier. Xx
Honey going from one to two is so very very hard. Suddenly you are split between two that need you. Think about it when you had one baby you only had one.
Don't feel guilty for getting hubby to take on some parenting, yes he has been at work but he hasn't been with kids (it is very different), it also gives him a chance to bond with the kids. The kids need that time with him and he needs that time with the kids.
These first 6 weeks I reckon are the toughest, you are still tired while trying to adapt to a new little person. Feeds are often so close together and miss 2 is still adjusting. It will get better.
I go out with mine. Can stimulate the oldest, interact bond and little one is carried and happy too. Only way I've found. I dread the days they're both home it's hard work. I don't have energy to go out but if I don't I see the dynamic change, oldest gets left out and grumpy and my hands are full and then out comes the whinging and emotions and bad behaviors. So I get up and go out.
*hug* thankfully it will slow down soon enough and you will wonder at where the time went.
Thank you for your understanding IM's. Feeling better about things today. After a late night I had a bit of a break down at 5am when Mr wouldn't sleep still. DH took miss at 7 when she woke up and let me sleep in, I slept till 930! It's amazing how much difference a little rest can do. Im feeling very positive today x
so good to hear this, sleep deprivation really is a form of torture!
I would consider putting miss 2 in daycare one day a week to lighten your load and so she can be entertained.
Yep, shes just about to pick up her second day a week :) she loves it and it's a life saver