Hello ladies of I.M - before I even start - please understand I am a now single father of 2 monkies ( 4 year old daughter and 19 month old son) and I still have an amicable relationship with my ex wife - I know this is a women's group - but I truly need advice on our son. About 7 months ago the ex and I split up, moved into separate houses and have the kids 1 week at a time 50/50 custody. Our daughter is somewhat adapting - and not a whole great deal has changed from her besides the obvious things. Sleeping hasn't been affected for her. Our son - was in a portacot at the wives house - and a cot in my house. About 2 months ago, I pulled him out of the cot the day after he climbed out of it, and put him in a small toddler bed ( a small, low to the floor Mickey Mouse one ) this is when the fun started - even since he has moved from a cot to his bed - he will NOT stay in bed. They have a routine bedtime - and have for months 6:30 is bedtime, in they go, they're both tired by that point - rubbing eyes, yawning etc. make them their bottle - and in they go, daughter as she has since a younger girl goes in 99% of the time hassle free (can expect every now and then to play up) however our son, will lay there - close his eyes - all the right signs to going to sleep - i leave his room (his door is only ajar to allow some light inside but not bright - but not closed and in the dark) within about 10 minutes he's out of bed walking around playing with toys, at the start I thought haha little explorer realised he can get out now because it isn't the cot - however it hasn't stopped - this can now happens for hours on end - I pick him up out him in bed - tuck him in - walk out - 5/minutes he's out of bed again, and I have tried a light smack on the bum, a growl, a discipline - all the things under the sun whilst putting him back in and telling him not to come out (at times he will cry for realising he's in trouble) but even when he cried he doesn't register its a no-no... This happens at both my house and the wives house - unless we sit there with him - either next to the bed patting him - or cuddling him to sleep - this will just go on for hours on end.
It also becomes an issue at 1am, 3am, 3:30am whatever times he decides he's going to get up during the night... what can we do?!? We have tried everything - our daughter if she ever did wake up even In A single bed - she would call out - or just lay there and go back to sleep, he is at the point the only thing I can honestly think of to keep him there, is strapping him to the bed (I never ever would, but I'm just stressing that's the ONLY thing I can actually think that will work, nothing else has) he does it both in his low Mickey bed - or climbs out of the portacot at the wives... It's becoming a serious issue of constant wake ups during the night and it's burning myself and the ex wife out...
Any advice would be absolutely golden!!!
Thank you,
Daniel, a very tired and very stressed father.
15 Replies
I thought that's what kids do, you're lucky with your first that she's so good!
Just pick him up and put him back in his bed. First time you say, it's bedtime, stay in bed until the morning. The second you don't say anything. No interaction just repeat putting him back. It might take a few nights but if he doesn't get a payoff ( attention or playtime or interesting awake time)! He'll start to just stay in bed and sleep.
Totally agree! It worked for us. Although we still have a few 2-4am wake ups!!
I can do this, no talking just back to bed - sometimes I can do this for over an hour - and consistency is here cos this happens practically every night - I had him sleep trained by 14 months going into the cot no pats no sitting just in withh his bottle and off he goes - it's recently he's doing it - even in the portacot at the exs house he will climb out.
Very common for kids to need a parent's help falling to sleep. Instead of going through the battle, just sit with him and pat if that's what he needs. It won't be forever. You could try very gradually withdrawing too - one week pat, then the next you just sit, then gradually (over a few weeks) move closer to the door as he falls asleep.
I've done the above quite regularly as I did with my first, the biggest problem is once he's asleep I leave. 10-30 mins later he wakes up and gets out of bed.. It doesn't seem normal to me / our daughter once she was asleep she'd only wake for a bottle or something drastic - he wakes for almost no reason at all, and he doesn't call out like our daughter he just gets out and acts as if it's not bedtime anymore.
Do you have the option to have NO toys in his room at all? If there is no stimulus maybe he might get out a few times but will realise it's pointless because there is nothing to do.
There are none, he opens the door and plays with them in the toy room or goes into our daughters room.
With our first we've always had a night light in the room and the door closed (right from when she was a baby). We removed all stimulus and just left her blankies, teddy for bed and furniture in there (partly due to her playing at bedtime, partly due to night terrors). She used to get up and come kick the door but unless she started kicking so hard she was going to damage it, we just ignored her. When we did go in, we'd pick her up, put her back in bed and walk out again, no talking. It took her a couple of weeks to settle down but she got there. To get our attention she'd just call out to us.
But honestly, whatever method you choose, it's all about persistence. As exhausting as it is, I'd probably give it a month of consistency from both you and your ex and if you're making progress, continue with the same method but if nothing has changed, try something new.
Could you put a gate on the door? My sister in law did this with her boy. He was put to bed and if he got out of bed he was confined to his room at least. He cried a few nights at the gate, she would leave him be but if he got too upset she would go up and put him back to bed. After a week he was fine with it and she was relieved just knowing that she could sleep not worrying about him wandering the house.
Totally normal, lie down with him or sit next to the bed. It won't be forever once he understands and gets in the habit of going straight to sleep you'll be able to put him to bed on his own..
Biggest problem int getting him to actual sleep - it's getting him to stay asleep or stay in bed.
they all do this for a while. you can persevere with the toddler bed or grab a portacot (its a bit safer being as they are lower to the ground than a timber cot until he is a bit more ready for a bed.
he will sleep when he gets tired, he isn't keeping school hours so don't panic too much about it provided he is IN his room and lights out. Im not going to tell you what this heralded at this age in my house....thankfully only one did it long term.
Oh but....keep a diary...and keep note of how much sleep he is actually getting...as best as you can figure out anyway....you may need it later on
I still lay with my 3 yr old every night until he falls asleep. I figure he's not going to need me to pat his bum when he's 13, and it's such a small amount time in their huge lifespan. It used to frustrate me, but now I enjoy our quiet one on one time each night where we read a book, have a cuddle and he goes to sleep.
Hi daniel i have no help for you as my son was the same i would have to sit and cuddle him until he fell asleep sometimes it would take 30 mins other times i would still be up at 2am trying to get hin to sleep he slept in my bed by the end and hubby in his room until the day before he turned 3 he decided he was a big boy and picked a book that I read to him he watched 30 mins of thomas and then laid quietly until he fell asleep its been 1.5 years now and we haven't looked back sometimes he is asleep before his 30 mins of thomas is finished other times hes still quietly laying in bed. All i can say is do what works for your sanity and to help you sleep its not ideal but it wont be forever when hes ready he will let you know hes also just had a life changing thing happen which is going to take some adjusting. Good luck ☺
Sounds like my 3 year old. I tried everything you've listed even did sleep school and even tried medicines prescripted from her doctor (I think it was an antihistamine that's supposed to help them get drowsy) nothing worked except sitting in there with her until she fell asleep and then this happened all through the night (With study 40hrs a week and a casual job along with state sporting commitments I was burnt out pretty quickly) so in the end I did and still do just sit with her unit she falls asleep and the when she wakes she no longer cries or wakes me just climbs into my bed and most nights I don't even know she's come in. With her age now (3 this started from about 9 months of age when she could climb out of her cot) it's getting better she's usually asleep within 10mins of me being in her room and it does get later when she comes into my room (on the occasions I do wake I note the time) sometimes we make it till 4 in the morning before she climbs in with me.
Sorry not much help to know its still going on at this age but for my situation I found it easier to just go with sitting in there and then letting her climb into my bed. I didn't have the time energy or health to do wars with her each time in the night like some do so this is what works for us even if sometimes it would be nice to have my bed to myself haha