I had a pretty traumatic birth experience with my first, he came 4 weeks early and was in special care for 2 weeks. I was very sick and in hospital for 10 nights also. My mil and partners family never wanted to hear about my experience for some reason and mil became abit too much. They didn't visit much even when invited and when they did they would say, mainly mil 'oh you do things that way'? I didn't do that.... nothing positive. She went into bub one time to get him up and I walked in and she said 'I don't know how you can sleep like that' quite angry. My bub was still swaddled at 7 months (6 momths corrected) I said well it works for us, quite upset. She then rang me the next day telling me she would prefer I didn't swaddle because he can die from overheating. Asking me if I don't just leave him to cry do I? And just questions like that, this upset me so much especially seeing my bub in special care in a incubator because he was having trouble breathing, how could someone think I could put my bub in harm. I said to her I don't appreciate you telling me what to do and being so judgemental and she hung up. I did say to her i would like to sort things out a couple of days later because she was saying how rude I was to my husband but nothing came of it. The family ignores me takes my boy and walks off and don't include me in conversations even if I make an effort. My hubby told her she can't be like that but hasn't made a difference. My boy gets nothing from them all other grandchildren are spoilt and get visits. I'm starting to resent my husband because all of this now and don't want to hear anything about them now because they have hurt me so much and make out its my fault for everything, blaming me that mil never got to change nappy. ( i didn't know this is something people want to do, she never asked me. I even wanting to leave my hubby because all of this, I dont think it's fair he has to be in the middle but if my mum did this to him I would never let it gwt so out of hand. I have bub #2 cooking and can't seem to get excited about that because I'm worried about his family starting up stuff again. We are having another boy and we didn't get a congratulations just oh your going to be a big brother and then can't you produce girls. My mil wrote my hubby a msg saying she doesn't feel comfortable coming over, so she has gone 4 months without seeing our boy. Now it's coming up 3 months again, they live hour away and are always passing through to see other grandkids.
7 Replies
Oh gosh that sounds horrible. Big hugs sweetie. I would personally totally cut off his side of the family. What does your partner think about this? Is he not supportive over youband how they treat you? He needs to man up and say something.
Oh this exact thing happened to me with my first! In the end I got into a massive argument with them and told them to either back off or have nothing to do with us. When I fell pregnant with #2 I was terrified they would ruin it like they did my 1st, but I just stood strong and it was nothing like the 1st, there was a few comments but I shut them down quite quickly!
My mother in law after babysitting once for 2 hours returned my eldest saying that my 4 weeks old was out to get her, she wasn't joking she was entirely serious.
Guess who has barely seen their grandchildren since...they have to come to us I dont go out of my way for people who don't comprehend that a 4 week old baby eats and poops and isnt out to get anyone.
She has what she calls a thyroid problem. Considering her children have drug addiction/anxiety, bipolar/alcoholism/drug addiction, and suspected bipolar
I doubt her issue is thyroid even if her first husband was an alcoholic. I suspect that gene pool was pissed in by both sides. Be easier to deal with if their denial wasn't so absolute and they abuse those who accept their diagnosis.
Don't let their negativity get to you. Seems they'll find holes to pick no matter what. If they wanted to change a nappy they should have asked. If they want to be close they should try, not just bitch about you. Seems a very negative relationship you're better without it and you're right your husband should be sorting them out.
Ignore, you know what to expect, put them on the boundaries and enjoy your baby and your family! Congratulations!
I feel for you. I too have a monster in law.
Best advice I can give - concentrate on your own beautiful little family. Enjoy your pregnancy too. Spend your time with positive, supportive people.
Limit your time with people who dont being anything positive to your life.
Some MIL's cant handle their son's moving out and making their own families and happiness.
Dont take it personally.
Live your life and be happy with your decisions x
When in- laws show their true & sucky selves like that, with pushiness/nastiness & favouritism etc between the grandkids, then as much as you hate the reality of it & wish it wasn't so & feel sorry for your kids (& yourself) to be stuck with having family (in-laws) like that, you just have to see & accept that that's how it is & move on. They won't change & will continue to dig deeper scars in your life experiences & relationship which will be worse for you than the idea of 'missing out' on contact or relationship with them, just make a stand & a barrier/boundary Now! It's sad & hard & will always feel a bit disappointing re family connections, but you'll be lighter & happier & confident without having them & negative toxic damaging influences. Spoken from my own tough & ugly experiences of in-laws! :-/
I have a very similar MIL. Overly opionated and always gives her 2 cents worth on everything. I had a huge falling out with her many years ago when my eldest was just a few months old. We patched things up but she hasn't changed. Hubby and I would argue about the way she treated us and our family and I always felt hubby sided with them. They live 20 mins away and never make an effort with their only grand children. This would upset me so much, not for me but for my husband and kids. I would think 'why should my kids miss out' One day I realised that they were not going to change. I can't make them see what they are missing out on and I wasn't going to waste time on them again. I'm happy for them to see their grandchildren whenever they want but they don't. My husband has of late come to the fact that he also can't be bothered with them. We see them on Birthdays, Christmas etc but that's about it. They are the ones missing out and honestly my life is stress free without them constantly in it and getting her opions on how I should raise my children.
Enjoy your own family and don't give them a second thought. They are the ones missing out.