Hi sisters.
Long story short: have a 4 y/o with my partner for 2.5 years (not the dad) don't know if I love him anymore, and I want a baby (he is not mature enough or reliable enough at the moment for a baby). We start couples therapy tomorrow but the things that are keeping me here are my son, the fear of being alone and maybe love. But I'm afraid that I'm only wanting out cuz I want a baby (I will get a donor and do it on my own if we split).
No idea what to do.....
3 Replies
I think wanting out because he isn't a grown up is perfectly valid reason. Staying because you are afraid to be alone is a terrible reason to be with someone. It isn't fair to you or your partner. It is ok to realise that someone isn't right for you in the long term. Some relationships are long term some are shorter term. It's a mistake to stay in a short term relationship past the moment you realise it is short term. I think you know this guy isn't long term guy.
see through therapy first.
love is just one emotion. what makes you think while saying he isn't reliable enough or mature enough to be a dad, if you think "love" is the be all and end all of a relationship that you are reliable enough or mature enough to be a mum?
do you think old people in their 80's have been all hot and heavy the entire 60 years of their marriages? fortunes wax and wane, there are good times and bad times, there are times they shit you to tears and absolutely make your day, if we all broke up every time someone shit us off we would have 50 relationships before we were 40.
Don't make decisions on a whim just because you aren't interested this month, see through the therapy before you make any sort of decision it might do you both some good, and never make a decision based on some random bitter old lady on the internet told you too.
Don't be afraid to be alone that's no reason to stay. Your son will be great as long as he's with you, that's also no reason to keep a relationship. If you're 2 and a half years in and don't want to have a baby with him, that's a pretty big sign. It takes time to really get to know someone and know if they're right, they can be wrong, that's okay too. Better to leave at 2 years and no kids. If you need therapy to make it work already then sometimes it's just not the right one. And I believe you love him at some level, which makes it hard to move forward, but Don't sign up for a hard ride just trying to make something work that wasn't meant to be.