Is it normal for your 6yr to be obessed with death? My lovely ds who I've been told is quiet smart has been asking all sorts of questions bout death and dying not the usual where do we go when we die, but more like what will happen when everyone dies, daddy will be dead soon, what will happen to my friends (not mentioning names) when their mum kills herself, I'm going to kill myself etc. I have always been very open when she asks questions as I don't believe in sugar coating it but this has me positively stumped and a little scared to be around her. Has anyone else dealt with this before? I've spoke to her teacher and it has her concerned to the stage where we are going to get her to speak to the guidance counsellor at school
7 Replies
I have a 5 1/2 yr old girl who is the same, she asks so many questions about it and those who we have loved who have passed, I just be honest with her and try to encourage her to not worry and to enjoy what we have when we have it, I think it's a pretty natural thing at this age and I'm sure your little one is just curious about the unknown especially since it's a topic of taboo with a lot of people
Iv had this before with a couple of my daughters. One is just pure morbid...its part and parcel of pediatric bipolar....she loves the shock and awe of it...
The other I'm a bit worried about but we have managed to turn it around some and she partly moved onto other things.
It was almost as if she was trying to scare the loving shit out of herself. She was dwelling on the black Saturday fires which we found ourselves ringed by with all freeways closed. We were trapped.
She was dwelling on what happens if mummy dies and making sure mum had everything in place that they wouldn't be made to go back....now it's shifting to more mundane generalised stuff....if you are worried a psychologist can help her reorder her thinking a little that it doesn't build to something else.
My daughter was like this unfortunently from a young age she has experiwnced death. My fil died when she was 3 and the following yr my grandfather died. She would go up to ppl and tell them their old and will die soon really creepy stuff. We have always been open about death and she understands everything. In the end we had to explain to her about timing and appropriate conversations with ppl. Shes finally getting it and has just turned 8.
Out of my 5 children, all of them have brought it up as little ones but only one of them has become obsessed about it; and she is my most sensitive child. (I prefer the term 'emotionally developed' lol)
She was around 5 or 6 when it started, and she's 9 now. She does still bring it up occasionally and gets a bit teary, but we talk about it openly and honestly and that seems to help.
It's always been an upsetting topic for me. I was a child that worried about everything and death was something that always weighed heavily on me.
I remember how traumatic it was to realise that I wouldn't live forever; and neither would anyone I loved.
In helping my children to understand and deal with it, I have found peace too.
I have explained to my kids that things often break down and can't be replaced within the body, and that sometimes people get too sick and would suffer too much if they continued to live.
I've told them that sometimes things happen to a person that might mean their body can't keep them alive anymore.
I also pointed out that if I was still alive when their great, great grandchildren were born, then there would be an awful lot of people on the planet and there is only a certain amount of room for everyone to share.
I told them I believe that when someone we love dies they are just making a bit of room in the world for there to be new people born for us to love.
There's a fantastic book that I recommend called 'Beginnings and Endings With Lifetimes Inbetween' by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. It's a beautiful, straight forward way to explain death to children as a natural part of the circle of life in all creatures.
Although it might seem a little early, I don't believe that any child will ask questions about death if they are not ready to know about it. I find that most kids will ask questions until they have gotten the right answers, and then they tend to accept things.
I've heard it said that your childhood is over the day you realise that you're going to die. I don't believe that at all. I believe that is the day your life truly begins, because you begin to truly appreciate the value of life.
Some young people are just 'emotionally developed' enough to start a bit earlier than others.
I'd also like to point out that there is a lot more shock surrounding death today than there was in the past. It is human nature to be curious and a lot of the time kids will insist on bringing it up simply because it does seem to be such a taboo subject.
Rewind to 100 - 150 years ago and death was almost never hidden. In the Victorian era I would be considered unusual. I am 32 and I have never seen a dead body.
Back then, families would often have a book of the dead; an album of photos of dead family members. It was traditional practice to be photographed with one's recently deceased family member.
Admittedly, as medicine was not particularly advanced back then, death was a far more likely outcome if you got sick; so it really makes sense that it would have been more widely accepted as a part of life at that time.
I feel like we have gone too far in the opposite direction when it comes to protecting our children from some things.
I can't imagine your child will always be this way. It just might take her some time. Perhaps this is a part of the natural process for her to go through, in order to accept it?
Thank you to the IMs that have replied, I'm the IM that posted this, I've always been up front with everything she has asked regarding anything including death, I could understand wanting to know about her great grandmother who passed away 2 yrs ago now as I believe that my dd needed to know the truth and she was the only great grand child to have any bond with her, but now that she's fixating on these other aspects it's quiet scary and I'm really trying hard to be upfront and honest with it, I've told her that when we die we go to heaven and it's just our shell that remains here, but then she wanted to know where her poppy and great grandparents are buried and got quiet upset when I told her that they were cremated in which I explained that it's just a big oven, I've even told her that when you die its just like going to sleep but you don't wake up and you don't even know that you are died it scared me that much I even spoke to my mum to see if I was like this as a child (I was but not at this age when I was older). And I even spoke to a relative that is in the psychology field and and was told that she even though is a smart child does seem to be very anxious about a lot of things and maybe seeing a psychologist is the best thing to try and put her mind at ease (obviously not that psychologist but another one)
its good advice