I have a beautiful little boy who is 4 and a half. He travels between mummy's house and goes to his dads on the weekends. We have attempted mediation twice and come out with nothing. At some stage this year we will be facing court to determine my little boys future. The father and I live just over an hour apart. The dad who works fulltime is fighting for 50 percent shared parental care. He would be relying on his mother (my sons grandmother) to drop him off and pick him up from school each day when in his care (he still lives with his parents). Whereas I am a stay at home mum, independent and available for my child. Which the school he is asking for my son to attend is an hour away from our home. I guess what I'm asking is for advice on how to cope with my upcoming events. At mediation my sons dad was far too happy to point the finger at me as thou I'm a terrible mother, so I know attending court will only drive him to worsen. He does not have my sons best options as his first thoughts, he has only been thinking of himself and ways to get at me. I'm not willing to drop to his level. He uses my son to try and advantage himself. I love my son to much to ever do that. My little boy is my absolute world, I love him more then words and only want the best for him. I'm so worried that I'm going to loose all this time with him, and I feel it won't be good for my child. It breaks my heart thinking of the what ifs. If you could share your experiences and any advice on how to cope would be so appreciated. From one mummy whose close to a melt down, and the hardest time hasn't even started yet!!
Ways to cope with upcoming custody battle
Ways to cope with upcoming custody battle
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Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Education
5 Replies
I hear you. I am going through custody too but due to child abuse it's almost 100% certain I will have permanent custody. I already have interim 100% custody orders. I've sat in family court a few times and the judge sees through any attempt to do what your sons father does.
If its granted 50/50 which is likely these days. You both will need to agree on a school equal distance from each home so that will narrow schools down a bit. Unfortunately you will need to find peace that your child is well looked after weather it be his dad after work or his grandmother while dads at work. Custody is a nasty thing to go through but lets hope it doesn't get pushed onto your son.
My only advice is keep a diary. Document everything no matter how minor you think it is. Every phone call etc and especially how your child is when they return from the weekend visits. If the child says anything that has come from the other party, document it. This will be your evidence in the end and a good referal system for you.
You will be ok, the courts do try to be fair but that situation is no way fair in the child, the court doesn't see your 'rights' or his 'rights' but the child's right to a relationship with both parents. If he's been living with u full time and raised by u as primary carer then why would they let him send him to a school an hour away from you? You have to stay positive, I know how you're feeling and that gulp that goes down your gut at how your child would miss you and nobody knows them like you do. He's mad at u obviously (the father) and he knows this us the sure fire way of getting to u, he's saying what will hurt u and put the fear into u. Rise above it, breathe, start playing this game and get smart . There is a women's legal team u can call if u need any advise but for now if I was you I'd start thinking about what u can offer instead ie. he doesn't get shared care but he can still have him weekends and see him in an eve after school each week, you should get him some weekends too - especially when he starts school, so maybe u keep him home every other weekend and he can see him 2 nights a week after school? If he's that desperate to see him then he'll make the effort. Studies have shown kids with stability perform better at school, tooing and froing between houses is far from ideal and hopefully with such a distance the court will see that also. Keep strong, if he sees weakness it gives him more ammunition to keep attacking. You can do this!
This is the advise number. Good luck 1800 244 504
Im goin through this too.
Do you have a solicitor? Or legal aid? Do NOT represent yourself what ever you do. If your in north QLD call the women's legal advice centre if your elsewhere call legal aid.
Keep doing what your doing as a mum, keep your sons best interest at heart. Talk to schools that are 'in the middle'. Explain your situation, if the school has a catchment area they can keep a place for your son. DO NOT enroll him without the consent of dad.
Ask for a family report if you go to court. Umm what else have I learned???
The judge has to take into account your sons time with his dad. To have a meaningful relationship dad has to be involved or have the opportunity to be involved in every aspect of your sons day to day life. So he has to have the opportunity to be involved with getting him to and from school as well as quality weekend time.
The judge will see who has your boys best interest at heart. You have to make sure its all about your sons best interest, eg. Driving him to a school halfway won't put you out cause its a good outcome for him to go to a good school that accessible by both parents.
If you happen to be in the Townsville area let me know, I'll give you details of a private mediator (don't waste your time with the government ones) and the name of a brilliant solicitors who doesn't charge the earth.
Keep a diary of EVERYTHING. Keep ALL msgs sent to and received from the dad.
Be strong mummy, you can and will get through this (tell yourself that EVERYDAY). You'll have your crap days when the what ifs seem endless but try and stay positive.
I know what your going through and feel for you.
***HUGS***