Hi Mums I am a single mother of a pre teen. It is just the two of us. My role for the past 12 years has been to bring up my daughter the best I can, take care of her, love her, provide for her etc. She is an independent child and no longer needs me for much. I have no partner and haven't had for some time. I love my job but I don't feel valued most of the time as I feel as though I am on the bottom of the pecking order. I have a lot of friends but as busy parents, we don't see a lot of each other. I have one parent who I see once a week. I have been treated for depression for many years, but it has been well managed and I don't feel as though anything has changed there - I am not tired, unmotivated and crying all the time which are signs for me. My problem is that I feel as though I am not important to anyone. I no longer feel important to my daughter, as though if anyone else were to care for her, she'd be just as happy. I have been thinking lately that if I were to die, yes people would be upset, but they would be fine. Their lives will go on and the world wouldn't change much. I haven't gone as far as to think about actually killing myself, but I do feel as though being dead would be easier than feeling as though I have no importance to a single individual on this planet. Everyone I meet likes me and I make friends easily, but no one really loves me or thinks of me as an important part of their lives. I have been trying to shake the feeling for a while now and it is not happening. Does anyone else feel like this? Am I better off not being here if I make no difference to the world?
3 Replies
I think EVERYONE feels like this at some point in there lives. Especially when so much focus has been on our babies and then they go and grow up.
The thing I realised was, everyone feels this way at some point. It's a horrible feeling. I also realised that I needed to stop focusing on feeling important and start thinking about how do I do my little bit to make the world a better place even if others don't acknowledge that. So i started thinking of ways to volunteer, get involved in things that took me out of worrying about things that at the end of the day I could do nothing about but I could make a small difference in the world by helping others, and making others feel important. And guess what I started to feel important and needed again.
PS I can absolutely guarantee that your daughter would be devastated if something happened to you. As independent as we get we always need our mums
Sounds like you are doing an amazing job at being a Mother to have such an independent child so young. Now that you have got her to this stage, now it's time for you to have some 'me' time. You obviously want/need more from life and only you can make the changes for that to happen. Think about what you want to be doing and who you want to be in 10 years and then start working towards it. Do you want to change career? Maybe it's time to quit your mundane job and study, start looking at Tafe and University courses. Also through study you meet people with a similar mindset to yourself. I know that until I started University I never really felt like I fit in with my friends, like I was the odd one out, then uni started and I had immediate friends that have lasted throughout uni and since graduating we all keep in contact. Are there any hobbies you are interested in eg. photography, painting, music etc. Try and find a group or a short course where you can learn more. It's also great to get in touch with your creative side as many of us suppress it due to living everyday life. Sometimes you just need to take time out for yourself. This may even help you engage with your daughter again, if you can find something you are both interested in and then you can do it together.