Hello fellow Mummies,
This is not as such a question about being a mum. But more of a very difficult family issue. Am desperate for some help...
My beautiful grandma lives in England and is 90 years old (my Grandad passed away 20 years ago). Unfortunately she isn't the best, and has been in hospital many times. The paramedics are starting to comment that she shouldn't be living alone and myself, my mother and my Auntie Jane* (changed her name for this post) totally agree.
Now, some background, my other Auntie Helen* is her carer. She gets paid to be her carer. We all know she does NOT care for her properly. She will go to my grandmas house in the morning and line up her pills for the day and leave (despite doctor saying she needs to help my grandma tAke each pill at each time of day), she barely does any grocery shopping for her, she doesn't assist her with showers, and some days doesn't even turn up. On top of this, we have found out she has been stealing money. She has Power of Attorney and has access to all funds. We have estimated she has taken 10,000 pounds. This was meant to go into an account for the grandkids when Grandma passed away.
I know that my cousin is in on it too. My Auntie Helens* daughter. They are a very poor family and don't have much and always cry poor. But yet manage to go to Ireland and Barcelona for holidays...
Of course my Auntie Jane* has confronted my Auntie Helen* about the money and of course she denied it all. Instead my Auntie Helen* has gone to another family member and said that Auntie Jane* has stolen 3,000 pounds. Which is a lie. She has no access to any money.
We all know that the best thing at the moment is to get my Grandma the care she needs and get her away from my Auntie Helen*. At the moment we are going through trying to change the power of attorney to my Aunty Jane*.
Our big problem is trying to convince my Grandma that she NEEDS to be in a nursing home. Yet she is so dead set on not going.
It is completely stressing my mum out as she can't go over to England to help as at the moment we are dealing with my father and his dementia.
I am 26 weeks pregnant, with a 3 year old and cannot travel over there either to help. I feel so useless and lost.
Has anybody got any experience with getting their family member to agree to move into a home? Any advice?
4 Replies
Unfortunately you sometimes just have to make them. Or wait until things get so bad they end up in hospital and he hospital forces the issue. It happens quite a lot in australia at least. If you have power of attorney then you can force them (is my understanding).
Personally I wouldn't worry about recovering any money, I'd just try and stop it. I know it wasn't following your grandmothers wishes but at the end of the day, your grandmas health and safety is far more important and fighting about where the money has gone will just create more stress and not get you anywhere.
So I'd concentrate on getting the power of attorney changed ASAP. So you can get her to safety. She clearly doesn't know what is best for herself at this point so forcing her is totally acceptable. It's far better to choose a nursing home than have the hospital do it, because they won't wait for the best home they'll get her into the first available.
If the ambulance/hospital think she shouldn't be on her own maybe they could hep with talking to her about it.
Barcelona and Ireland are cheap budget holidays when looking at them from the currency of the Pound.
they are also very close neighbours...its like going to Alice Springs or Cooper Pedy from Adelaide. so stop thinking they cost thousands right now.
the UK actually has quite spectacular community services and carer's services for their disabled and elderly.....its on Par with Australia she doesn't necessarily need to go to a nursing home. but she can't access those services while she has someone assigned as her carer and it is well known that services and quality of Varies greatly between post codes...which are confusing even for the locals. the place to start is by contacting her local authorities in the UK and finding out what you need to do to have a carer assigned with adequate oversight and your aunt removed from that position.
My family was in a simular situation a few years back with my great grandmother who at the time was 95 years old and living in the UK. We talked her i to going to a local shared care for the elderly where their were on one side self contained aparments and the other side more hospital like care. She moved in their and really enjoyed being around more people and getting the help she needed.