IM's I need your help!! I'm really loosing my cool with my kids lately and I'm not liking it at all!! They are aged 5 & 7 and most of the time are really naughty and completely ignoring me and disrespecting me. They constantly push my buttons until I'm at that point of no return. They both still get in to everything, wreck or break everything, fight, whinge about everything, they ignore nearly every word I say and are just so cheeky to me. I get to that point where I loose my sh#t. I throw things, yell and half the time say things that I regret. How do you keep your cool? How do you get your kids to listen/be respectful without being a screaming mad woman? I don't want them to grow up remembering I was always psycho. How do you do nice activities with them without all ending in tears? Anything around the home or anything I can use to keep me calmer?? Thankyou
3 Replies
Time out - for you! When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by the ragey feelings, take yourself out of there before you yell. Your kids are old enough now that they will be safe if you leave them be (not leaving the house but leaving the room). Make yourself a cuppa and take 5 minutes to decompress.
Other than that - model the behaviour you expect to see. Speak to your kids nicely and encourage them to speak nicely to you and to each other. Correct the behaviour before it escalates. If they whine at you, calmly explain they will not get what they're asking for until they speak nicely. Look up some positive parenting websites (Aha Parenting is a great one) to find some ideas to deal with your specific situations. Maybe look into decluttering/destashing some stuff around the house (toys etc) as cluttered surroundings can make things overwhelming too.
When I need to take back control I take these steps.
1. Only tell the kid to do something when I am absolutely prepared to follow through, which likely means reducing my requests to just a few, because letting them get away with shit just teaches them to try and get away with shit.
2. When I tell them to do something I walk up to them and tell them what I want them to do in a clear firm voice in a maximum 5 word sentence.
3. I give them 3 seconds to comply and if they don't do it I say "I said ……) and I actually take them by the hand to do it. That may mean turning TV off, taking a toy out of there hand whatever. Sometimes I explain that if they just did what they were asked it would be faster and they'd have more fun.
4. When they do as they are told they get praised etc
I also keep toys and clutter in the house to a bare minimum and supervise the shit out of him when he went through the get into everything stage. You can't ruin stuff if it isn't there, so that may mean boxing stuff up. Also running around outside and at the park doesn't allow much energy for getting into stuff! Going for a scooter ride, bike ride, or walk are all preferable to destroying the house and you will actually save time because you wont be cleaning up chaos. I will also have no go zones in your house. My room is/was my sanctuary and there was a Lock on the door until this rule was learnt, because I needed one calm, haven. There were also locks on cupboards that were no go zones. If they break something of there own it goes in the bin and doesn't get replaced. That is how life works.
Magic 1-2-3
https://youtu.be/ihHl3oscy7Y