Hey beautiful mumma's (and dads too) i have found myself in the worst situation i could ever possibly imagine!!!
A few months ago i wrote in for advice on my daughter being possibly abused sexually by someone on her fathers side when she goes there due to toileting regression, comments made and behavioral changes. I followed your advice and contacted dhs and the police in regard to what she was saying (she told me someone touched inside her girl bits) it took child protection 6 weeks for them to tell me that their wasn't enough evidance and that they were closing the case. So I took it upon my self after 2 months of my daughter not seeing her father (during that time she changed back into my perfect little girl) to organize times where this would be provented from happening in the future.
Previously she was going to her father's 5 days a fornight (with 3 of those days spent in someone else's care) so we change it through family mediation to 2 days a week with her father and no one else.
5 weeks on from that change and last night i walked in on my 3 yr old daughter naked with her legs in the air and her teddy bears face on her girl bits, I was shocked!! When i asked her where she learnt to do that she told me straight out that she learnt it at daddy's house and his next door neighbors who are teachers told her to do things like that with her toys because it would make her feel good, she even decribed 2 seperate situations that she was told to do these things (once with her cousin) and decribes the toys they asked her to use.
I contacted her father and im completely appalled at his reaction! He said "if you want me out of our daughter's life why can't you just say it rather than making up these lies".
So here I am in the same situation yet again just months later on the phone all day trying to find someone to help me help my daughter to only be told by police that they can not do anything about it till i have proof that she was sexually assulted and that i need to take it up with my daughters father. I am completely and utterly lost, out raged and depressed!! I even had my first panic attack in 3 yrs because Ive been told all morning that no one can help me, has anyone been in this situation before and what do i do now?? I can't stop crying and im completely lost as to why this is happening to her
9 Replies
Contact camhs (child and adolescent mental health service) or CASA and take her to the doctor. Is it the father or the fathers neighbours? It shouldn't matter which tbh have any of them actually questioned your daughter themselves?
The good news is once there are 5 reports dhs are actually REQUIRED to investigate. Its a shame she isnt in school or you could approach the school about reporting.
The bad news is investigating may actually involve foster care and investigating both homes.
Oh if the neighbours are teachers and told her to do that, notify the schools they work at ASAP
Oh when you call police ask expressly to speak to their sexual assault unit....not just their front desk officer
I am so so sorry this is happening to your angel and to you, I don't know what to say to you to help you,but I just wanted to say I think you are amazing mummy for listening to your daughter and trying everything in your power to keep her safe, maybe contact bravehearts to see if they can give you any guidance for your next step, somebody has to listen, make all the noise you can, I will be hoping someone helps you xx
Do you have any way to contact the cousin's family? If your daughter has said this happened once with her cousin, the cousin's parents need to be informed. You never know, they may even have noticed signs but not realise what the signs mean. At least if you have the cousin's story as well, your daughter's father may be less inclined to accuse you of just being a spiteful ex. Not that he should be doing that even now! HE should be wanting to protect his daughter too!!
Might also help to contact any child psychologist as well as your local sexual assault unit.
Firstly, well done to you for taking your child seriously and protecting her.
Secondly, Don't waste your time with docs. They are pathetic and do very little. I would suggest you take your daughter to a child psychologist who specialises in assault so they ask her the correct questions and they can lodge a complaint with the police if need be.
It is a shame your ex thinks this is personal instead of actually dealing with the situation like an adult. I would see if you can contact the other parents if you feel they will be open to hear the full story and ask them to also take their child to a psychologist. It is best if you don't ask too much as you don't want to be leading the questioning.
I am not normally one to say keep the child away from the other parent, however, until you have definitive answers and the father isn't taking it seriously, I would be keeping her away.
Bravehearts will also be able to help in this situation and a visit to the gp to have it documented would also be helpful. Have been through something similar so just make sure everything is documented by officials and not heresay. Best of luck x
Unfortunately, the red tape that's been strapped around docs arms, leaves them useless. Their arms are tied.i know people that have left because they have a conscience and can't deal with walking away. One is a mess ?.
Please book your daughter in with a mental health professional, they are mandated to report to the police unit in your state that deal with this. As for the father, he's prob been told over and over how women constantly try to stop contact between fathers and children, like anyone, when your told something sooooo many times, you tend to start questioning and eventually believing. And he's prob been told this over & over by the neighbour in an attempt to groom a perfect situation. Prove him wrong by organising other types of visitation, with no other participants (ie neighbours etc) like time at the park/playground, time at indoor play places, Skating etc, where they still spend some fun time together, but others aren't involved. I would also contact the cousins parents and attempt to gently let them what your daughter has disclosed to you.
I would also contact the school that these "teachers" are employed at, sending off an email detailing the issue, if they are even employed as teachers, they could be lying to the child to give a false sense of authority. Authority is the one 'sense' that will override other 'senses' including our own conscience. Good luck mumma and don't give up, stand tall, stand proud and show ur lil girl how to be a survivor ?.
Ask to speak to the Children's protection unit (called Child & Family investigation unit in SA). My father is a police officer. He has is sitting next to me and telling me that what they have told you is utter BS.
I have researched all of the contact details for all states. Some have been difficult to find, which is very disheartening and something that needs to be rectified!
SA- Sexual Crime Investigations (08) 8172 5555
Vic - Sexual Offences and Child Abuse Investigation Team (SOCIT) teams based throughout Melbourne. This website will take you to a list of the numbers. (at the bottom)
http://www.police.vic.gov.au/content.asp?Document_ID=36448
NSW -Child Protection Helpline on 132 111
NT -Sex Crimes Division – (08) 8922 3617
Tas – Can't find direct contact details, but these people should be able to get you in touch with them.
Sexual Assault Support Service Phone: (03) 6231 1817
WA - Sex Assault Squad can be contacted by Tel: (08) 9428 1600
Qld - Child Safety and Sexual Crime Group – (07) 3364 6430.