Hi ladies, my husband and I are separated. I'm still trying to deal with all that comes with a marriage breakdown which I feel I'm doing well. One of my issues is my surname. I have very young children and I feel so sad thinking about changing and not sharing their surname. But part of me feels this is what needs to happen.
I wouldn't feel comfortable if he remarried and I still had his surname. I realise I could one day remarry but I would still have the same feelings around this issue. My ex and I are on good terms with each other and he has said he's happy for me to keep the name.
Could anyone share their stories or pearls of wisdom?
Thanks
Seperated and deciding if I should change back to maiden name
Seperated and deciding if I should change back to maiden name
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
3 Replies
It's a hard one and a personal decision. My SIL has done it out of spite. If you and he are on good terms thats great.
I have noticed that if you bad mouth the father (regardless of what he's like) the children feel like you are rejecting part of who they are. Some feel this way about name changes. It can seem to the children as if you are separating from them. Age is a factor. Under 18s can see it in the afore mentioned way. Children don't understand why divorce happens and will still love the other parent regardless.
You could talk with them about it and explain what you've stated in your post. It's not about being separate from them at all. Obviously this depends on their ages. If you can't talk to them perhaps you could wait until they're old enough to understand? Or change it anyway. No matter what you do
You're still their mum, they will always and ever see you as that no matter what your name is.
Can you hyphenate your name so you still have his last name for the kids but also your last name?
You can change the kids names too. Hyphenate the kids & change yours back. You're very lucky to be on good terms with your ex. Good luck to you all.