Hi
This may seem confusing and long at the same time.
I am a single mother of two girls 6 and 3. The girls "father" is one of those people that only wants to make an appearance when it suits him.
He has been in and out of my 6 year olds life since she was 6 weeks old. With my 3 year old he left me and my 6 year old a week before I found out I was pregnant with my 3 year old because he had cheated on me. He wanted me to get an abortion with my 3 year old because he reckons he didn't want to bring another child into a broken relationship or in my case our marriage.
I proceed with the pregnancy because I couldn't and wouldn't go through with an abortion.
He tried on many occasions during my pregnancy to get back with me but I couldn't trust him again due to the issue of him cheating. Not long after I gave birth he was in another relationship and soon after she was pregnant to him all while I was dealing with a then 3 year old and a newborn.
He then gets to the point of only seeing my girls roughly every six months or so.
Once his girlfriend had their baby she was pregnant again within a couple of months with their second child and his 4th child. And all this is going on while I am raising our 2 on my own with very minimal support from him.
He has in 6 years managed to miss both my kids first birthdays and gave me a lame excuse as to why he couldn't make it to see them. In the 6years since my eldest was born he has only managed to make time to see My 3 year old on one birthday and my 6 year old on 2 birthdays.
Last year for Christmas he couldn't be bothered to see them for Christmas and when my 3 year old was 6 months old he didn't see them either.
I get child support to collect the money when it is owed to me but lately my assessments seem to change with the amount. I am grateful that I get child support when I do. But some days I think why bother getting it when he can't be a father to them in the first place.
Yes I have tried to get him involved in my girls lives but sometimes it is like hitting my head against a brick wall and I don't seem to make progress with him.
This year for Father's Day I made sure that I didn't ring him to see if he wanted to see the girls on Father's Day. What surprised me was that he actually rang me for once.
I have never once stopped him from seeing the kids but as I said it's like hitting my head against a brick wall.
This weekend he wants to see the girls again and bring his other 2 kids around so all kids can meet each other and this will be the first time any of the kids will know that they have half siblings. I have always said to myself and to anyone that asked why they don't know my answer was that is up to him to explain that and I will just pick up the pieces at the end.
Now comes a question that I guess I have been trying to ask but giving a background of my situation. Because I have pretty much been a single parent from early on and on the odd occasion of working things ou with my ex husband ( yes I took him back so many times) until the issue of cheating where I refused to go through that again.
I am starting to think when will I ever get a break from being a full time parent with having to juggle working and daycare runs and school runs and extra curricular activities plus whatever else gets thrown my way.
I am starting to feel like I am getting no where in life and being the one that has to be both good and bad parent.
Has anyone else felt like it was getting to much and wanting to just run away from the responsibility even for a day.
Yes I could let the father take the girls every now and then but with his track record of how long he can go without seeing the girls I just don't feel comfortable in myself sending them there until he can prove that he is going to make an effort and start being a more proactive parent.
3 Replies
Being a sole parent is hard. But the best gift you can give yourself is stop worrying about what the father is or isn't doing. The sooner you emotionally stop worrying abs trying things get so much easier. Things are what they are and no amount of trying to get him to do the right thing are going to help. If you are having trouble letting go of his crappiness then it might be time to do some counselling.
Yeah getting a break can be hard and if you have any friends or other family don't be afraid to ask for a night or day off. If you work, organise some leave, just for a day, still send the kids to daycare and school. Use the day to do what you want.
There are ways to get a break but we have to be creative ;)
You will get through the truth is I never really had a break until school/high school....once they hit those full days is bliss and you get relegated to taxI until they can walk to school themselves....and once they hit high school its buses and train fare...and they kinda just start chronically fleecing your wallet from there......so you get a break but no money to do anything with it LOL
My youngest and I until she started school and while her sisters were at school used to get some cray or a small tray of prawns from coles and some thousand island dressing or cocktail dressing..... (and I kept a fully kitted picnic set in the boot of the car at all times) or some of those nice jarlsberg slices honey ham and fresh bread rolls and go down to the local park or the lake or anywhere pretty and have our own private special picnic lunches and she would play on the equipment or feed the ducks what was left of lunch......and we would have a little peace and quiet from the world.....just us.