My mil has mental health issues and I am not sure how to handle the situation.
She has bipolar and depression and I have tried to be tolerant of her cycles of being up and down over the last 7 years but just recently she has become very abusive at me, with no reason. Calling me many names and abusing me saying I stole her son off her. She did this 2 years ago and I moved on and tried to be normal with her and she was ok with me mostly, but has recently lost it at me again. She is saying that I turned other family members against her, they are just sick of her abuse too. My husband has blocked her number since seeing the abusive messages she was writing to me, so she can not contact him. She is saying I did this.
She then sent a message to me saying sorry, but I don't want to accept it and just have her back in our lives, for it to happen again soon. I would rather my sons not know her than have a grandmother like this in their lives.
I have tried going there by myself to talk to her and get her help but she won't take it. She sees a psychiatrist but has been seeing the same one for 10years and she is just getting worse.
I feel bad for her having mental health issues and feel bad my husband has no relationship with his mum now, but I shouldn't have to keep copping this abuse. Not sure what to do.
MIL has mental health issues.
MIL has mental health issues.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
Talk to your post office. For a small fee you used to be able have mail from a specific party held at the post office. Personally I wouldn't have her around the kids either and I'd block her number just as your husband has done.
Unfortunately it sounds like her meds aren't working or she isn't taking them consistently. Some people aren't very on board with there own treatment.
Has your husband ever attended appointments with her?
Really you have one of two options, plug in at a very high level and try and attend more appointments and make sure she takes meds to see if things can be turned around, or you cut her out.
I would follow your husband's cue.
Chances are if she suddenly has become abusive towards you, you are not the only family member copping it these episodes impact every area of their lives....
Find out who is her primary support person/carer. Find out if she is on meds....and find out why she isnt if she isn't...... does she have other children does she have her own husband/partner keeping an eye on her does she have a sibling watching out for her....if she does just screen calls for a while they will get it on track again...if she doesn't it may require your husband to ensure that someone is in that role even if it is a mental health support group or organisation like mind partners in recovery or the local psych services.
Your husband is blocking the abusive messages because he knows the terrain so to speak.....he knows it will last month's and blow over and she will regret everything she did...in some ways it is better for her if you dont make it possible to do it....
Speaking from extensive experience here....dont keep count....dont expect a sorry or grovelling....a good day is a good day a bad day is a bad day.....
When we hold the bad days against them they are starting on recovery from 2 miles back. Each day start the slate clean and enjoy the good days with them that you can....so many can be wasted waiting for that door to be reopened waiting for the toll to be paid.
Oh and bipolar is genetic 15% risk if one parent has it 30% if both....dont turn your back her experience could be an invaluable support if your husband or heaven forbid your son's are ever diagnosed.
Keep in mind at her age the severity of symptoms very possibly may not be her bipolar....as people age beyond 40 symptoms generally reduce not become more severe....she needs a doctor she may have developed diabetes, thyroid issues, or heaven forbid even alzheimers.
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public/bipolardisorder/causes.cfm
A huge factor as you have already mentioned is that she misses her son. More difficult to deal with when battling bipolar.
I have a MIL who suffers delusional disorder, anxiety, depression and personality disorder. She is exactly like what you have stated except worse in some ways because she is just a nasty piece of work. She is abusive and mean BUT THEN her mental illness kicks in and tells her it is us who have been nasty to her and she hasn't done anything wrong. The last straw was at my sons first birthday when she was backstabbing me to my mum and friends. That day my husband and I cut ties with her. We didn't tell her why but she knew why. Our new family is much more important than her. I am sorry but my son and future children do NOT need to be exposed to this. If this is at a small price, we are willing to pay it.
Just be mindful it is a really hard position for our hubbies to be in. It is their mum and everyone loves their mum. Try to be supportive and speak freely but also bite your tongue when you can tell he is struggling. I am so sorry you are going through this. It just an awful thing to have to endure. My MIL would call every couple of minutes until 6am when she would goto sleep. At midday the phone calls would start again. The texts would come through back to back. Her numbers have been blocked and we have made the answering machine not play the message tone so it just hangs up on her.
Good luck!