Depressed

I don't know where to start......I feel so alone......I'm sick of life.......I have no friends (that I go and visit , only associates on Facebook) ....... I have no one to talk to about my problems because my family don't need to hear my shit..........I have 3 kids and I'm a single mum.......I'm not worthy enough to be their mother.......I do everything even when I was with my youngest dad.......I have no break from them........I'm sick of going to see counsillor after counsillor and no results......I have been on anti depressants most of my adult life due to a terrible childhood........I've been in DV relationships and still after a couple of years having trouble with my youngest dad........I'm literally in fear of my life wondering when is the day going to come where DV from him will end.......he. Has once again out of spite ceased child support......child support literally can't do anything for three months....lim on struggle street financially......I put myself last with everything and put a fake smile on my face everyday........I'm sick of battling my emotions.......but I can't commit suicide like I want to because it's not fair to have my youngest go to his dad's (a pigsty of a house with no food) and my daughter to her dad's (who has had nothing to do with her for 10 years) and my oldest is almost 18 and he won't have anyone to be there for him due to a falling out with my family to him......I feel like I'm stuck.......I feel like I'm forced to be here when I don't want to live anymore.........I can't afford to move away from the threats from my youngest sons dad....... I just.......I don't know what to do anymore.......I'm just living if that makes sense........I put my kids first to the point I have clothes of mine falling apart because I can't afford any for myself........I don't know what I'm asking.........I just don't know anything anymore.