Hi. I've been with my partner for 5 years. Over the last 8 years he has ran his own business. The business makes some money but nowhere near what his earning capacity is if he gave it up and went back to the corporate world. During this time he tells me frequently that the business is in the cusp of making lots of money, but the next month rolls over and I'm still paying the bills etc. we don't have any equity as that was used to pay off business debt and with three young kids I'm very much over putting up with this situation. I've said to him that he either shows me the $$ or committed cash or packs it in and gets a corporate job. He is obviously angry about this as I've threatened that I won't stay with him as he obviously doesn't have the same values and priorities as me - them being to provide for his family by earning a living that he is capable of rather than running this business.
I've lent him money and now have ran my resources down. I'm feeling bad because I don't want to split my family up but equally I don't trust what he tells me. He is a great man and father but i just don't see a future together if he either doesn't get the immediate return in his business or goes out and gets a good paying contract / job. Has anyone been in this situation? Am I being too harsh? What would you do?
Partners earning capacity
Partners earning capacity
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
4 Replies
Firstly there is no his money or your money, you are a partnership it the families money, especially if you have kids.
Yeah it sounds like it's more important to him to have a job he loves than earning his full capacity, and a lot if people are the same, but my and my families lifestyle reflects that. Smaller house, cheaper cars, less holidays etc. This is also the same in my sisters family (both couples could be earning a bomb) but have opted for less stress, lower hours, lower income and adjusted there lifestyles appropriately.
So in some ways I think he should be allowed to work where he wants if that means he is earning less money than his full capacity then that's fine, but the business still needs to be viable and produce an income and lifestyles need to reflect that.
Of course that totally changes if as a family you can't afford a roof over your heads and food in your bellies.
So I think you both need to sit down and discuss your priorities and lifestyle choices and work out if a compromise is possible. But earning 'full capacity' is over rated in my opinion.
if he has been running a business for the last 8 years RATHER than working in the corporate sector his earning capacity is not what you assume it is
You may get a nasty surprise and if you do split up your family they will not assess child support based on your estimated earning capacity for him. it will be calculated based on his tax returns and being as he runs a business it would be more than easy for him to hide all income.
You also Married him while he was earning that income. he run's a family business that was the package you brought into warts and all.
I wouldn't say you are being too harsh so much as not being realistic.
this is what it is. try to look at what you have in front of you rather than what you imagine you could have.
work with what you have, the grass isn't greener on the other side and there are benefits to running a small business. endless benefits for families running a small business which are not immediately evident.
maybe take some time sit down and look at where you are and what you have not just the monetary value....but the value in an incredibly flexible employment situation when you have young kids. invaluable.
the benefit of being able to purchase vehicles and other assets as a business.
the tax concessions.....etc etc etc
it may help blow away that head of steam that has been building.
I understand that you are frustrated, but I think you are being too harsh. We all want more money and more opportunities for our kids, but this business is is passion. Did you have kids with him because you love him unconditionally, or just on the promise of him making more money? I think you are shooting yourself in the foot by looking at the difference between what he is earning and what he could be earning, and thinking of this as money you 'should' be getting that you are missing out on.
The business may never make more money than it does right now. You can never tell with these things. Accept the man for who he is. Or move on and let him find someone who does.
I feel for you. To all those people saying you are harsh i think they would have a different opinion if their ex and father of their children didn't pay a cent of child support because he was "chasing his dream" and earning next to nothing, leaving them to slave away and work in some horrible job just to put food on the table. Why should you have to be the only practical parent who will never have the chance to chase your dreams because he's selfish and only concerned with his self - fulfillment.