I am looking for advice on how to replace some anxiety behaviour I have which now has become outright ridiculous and painful.
I have been diagnosed with PSTD, anxiety and depression. I have issues with being assertive and articulate in expressing my needs. I am seeing my GP and on the waiting list for ongoing professional mental health services.
One of my coping behaviours is to rub my fingers together with a bit of cotton wool. I also add splinters to it for added texture which hurts but I find calming. I roll it in my fingers discreetly with my stash in my jacket pocket or jeans. I do this until I have calloused the sides of my middle, pointy fingers and thumb. I then choose to pick at the callouses and rip them off.
Sometimes I don't even know when I am picking them or when I have ripped off the skin until it hurts. I have done this in my sleep, tearing away the surface of skin from behind my knuckle to a cm from the top of my thumb in my sleep only to wake up from the feeling.
I have just done it again and this time my middle finger. This time the callous wasn't developed enough because the capillaries ruptured and there's a good amount of blood there.
I realise that I am a headcase, you don't need to tell me twice. I just need to replace this behaviour with something a little less annoying and constructive. It needs to be accessible to me anywhere I go so I don't panic and have a focus point.
I once knitted a queen sized blanket which kept my fingers from rubbing together excessively. But then I had to finish the blanket... I then didn't have any other constructive way to ground myself.
Another behaviour I have is sitting in the same spot, back to wall in a corner. If I can't get the seat I use always, I have an alternate spot, again with a wall, and corner. If I can't get those spots, I leave.
It's compulsive and I can't help it.
I don't mind my back to wall thing. In fact my son expects it. I am a good mom, my anxiety seems to at its worst when he's with his father.
The other issue is nightmares. The same thing. I walk up screaming, often I have thrown myself out of bed, hyperventilating and soaked in sweat. I then use the finger rubbing and picking to calm myself.
I really have no idea how to replace this particular behaviour with something less brutal. I use to bite my nails to the point of bleeding and sometimes to the point of ripping my thumb nail off. When they were bitten off completely, I would rip my toe nails off. I've stopped doing that now.
I use to twirl my sleepers in my ears, but I no longer do that.
Anyway, I am not sure how to stop the obsessive picking and I really need some suggestions. Helpful comments please.
1 Replies
you were onto a good thing with the knitting....perhaps switch to crochet and look into Amigurumi for the sake of small more manageable projects. colouring in can also help to keep occupied and reduce the panic.....the first step is being aware of it....I am painfully aware of the stress spots I get on my scalp and arms from Itching when stressed I can consciously stop myself but there are always those times when i am not aware I am doing it so while I can force myself to not go at it whole hog there is always a level of agitation of those area's when I am stressed.
the counselling will help with some CBT mindfulness and other methods....it is very important to practice. because it is only with frequent practice that these skills build up into habit and begin to work for you.