Could be triggering- abuse.
I'm not too sure where to go or what to do. I'm a mummy to 2 beautiful children and have a wonderful loving partner.
At 17, I first told someone that I was sexually abused, and I have never dealt with it properly. As time has gone on, memories continue to surface. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety, and have been put on medication, but can't bring myself to take them. I have attempted to overdose once, but refused to go to hospital, so my partner dealt with me.
Is there any other way I can make this go away? It's ruining me.
6 Replies
Go back to your prescribing doctor/ GP and tell them. They will be able to hunt down appropriate services for you in your area. Medication may or may not be part of that. But I imagine counselling will be.
Time for some councling
I have been here before. The first thing you need to do is to talk to your doctor. Get them to give you a mental health plan and you can get free visits to a councillor. I know your probably thinking 'I don't want to do that, why would I want to go and talk to someone about all this' but trust me talking does help. You can get it all off your chest and deal with it in a safe environment. Once you start to deal with it than you will be able to live a much more normal life.
The effects of sexual abuse never truely go away but if you surround yourself with supportive people and don't hide it anymore you can feel better. Somehow you manage to turn yourself from a victim into a survivor and that really does feel amazing and freeing once your able to think of yourself like that.
With your medication you need to take it. I know it sucks being put on pills but they really do help in the beginning. You will be able to sleep better and relax a little. I only needed to take mine for a year or so and then because I had done so much work on myself and coping strategies I was able to stop taking them. I have been off the medications for 6 years now and have never had a need to go back to them. Even when things got really tough I was able to pull myself out of it using the methods my councillors gave me.
If you need inspiration or a reason to get better look at those beautiful babies of yours. They need a happy healthy mum. They don't care if their mummy has to take a tablet or go and talk to a special person once a week. All they care about is that their mummy loves them and is full of smiles and wants to do all the fun stuff with them. Keep fighting for them and you too will become a survivor because that's truely what you are.
I know how your feeling mumma. I was gang raped at 16. Diagnosed with clinical depression, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, anorexia and paranoia. I was under the influence of hallucinogenic's when it happened, so I don't know who did it, only how many. It ruined my life. I ended up abusing drugs, family and friends. I was in and out of counselling with no avail, was on and off of antidepressants for years until 3yrs ago when I had had enough and tried to end it all. I tried to overdose on panadole and ended up in hospital on a 16hr drip. I then signed myself into the mental health unit for 2weeks. I found it daunting being in there at the same time as relaxing. There was no outside pressures to succeed, I didn't have to worry about anything or anyone but myself, and I knew I was safe.
I was on half hour watches for the first 24hrs, I had my own room but shared a bathroom. Everyone ate at the same time, we weren't allowed mobiles as they had cameras, there was a pay phone to use, they had daily activities that you chose if you wanted to participate in. I saw a group of phycologists that assessed me every second day and put me on new medications and helped me set up my own future goals. I was allowed visitors within visiting hours. My smokes were kept at the nurses station so I wasn't chugging them down or had them stolen. After I left I was contacted fortnightly by a mental health phycologists for 3months to check up on my recovery, I also went to oz care and they assigned me a mentor to help me become a functioning person again, they visited me weekly then fortnightly for 2yrs and they helped me find stable accomodation and a job.
I am now off of medications, I have self trained myself in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and I am not in therapy. I have finally fell in love with an understanding and supportive man, I occasionally go to a support group for depression and anxiety and I rarely get flash backs of that night.
I am sharing my story with you because in the end it is all up to you. You need to make the first move in your recovery. Find help, talk to someone apart from your husband. You can get through this. Don't be afraid to get the help you obviously need..!! You can only ignore it for so long. The longer you wait the more self-destructive you will become. I am now 30 and it took me 11years until I was able to ask for help.
I was sexually abused as a child by my own father and for years I was depressed and felt like I don't worth anything. Went to several psychologist until I found the right one to help me through this. I tried to commit suicide but I was lucky my best friend saved me. I can say that I was very lucky to have 2 best friends that I can talk about this with them over and over and they are always happy to listen and give me a hug. They both helped me and still help me the most. I married to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful boys. It never actually went away and it is always in the back of my mind, I just learned to control it and learned to believe in my self. This us very difficult but with hard work I succeed to overcome the depression.
I can only wish that you will find the way to be strong and believe in yourself and know that tjis is not your fault. Sending lots of love and hugs your way and don't give up. Ask for help as much as possible and find the right help for yourself xx
I have no advice. I was sexually abused as a child and I have never told anyone I have depression and anxiety and it eats away at me everyday. Sometimes I fantasise about finding him and setting his house on fire with him inside it. Well I guess my advise is find someone weather it be a professional or a friend to talk about it with because it will eat you up and you will end up in a very dark place like me.