Hi IM’s.
At my wits end with estranged Husband. Advice wanted.
I’ll try to be brief, but it’s a complex scenario.
Split with husband coming on two years ago. I was pressured into consent orders which are now working against me. I have my three kids aged 8, 10 and 13 for 60% of each week. The rest of the time they are with their father who has lived at his parents’ house since we split up.
I am paying $470 dollars a week in rent with no Centrelink benefits. I travel around 2.5 hours each day (1 hour & 25 mins one way) to commute to Sydney and make similar money to my ex.
He pays what he is supposed to according to the child support calculation, but I am so furious that he is living rent free (or close to) and I have nothing to show for all my hard work and literally NO MONEY EVER!
I cannot afford to stay where I am, and to make matters worse my landlord just sold the house I live in and I am house hunting again. If I move further down the coast where it’s a little cheaper, any financial gain would be lost by travelling to and from to get the kids to school. If I move closer to Sydney (and my job) it’s much more expensive and I still have the dilemma of trying to get the kids to their school.
My ex thinks it funny that house prices have skyrocketed since we split and while I know that I cannot afford to buy, but it’s looking like can’t afford to rent either!
He mocks my financial situation but doesn’t seem to realise if he wasn’t living with his parents he’d be just as screwed financially. He recently took the kids skiing for a whole week and then whinged when I asked him to pay for their haircuts.
I have tried to reign in the spending and have told him I simply cannot afford things like guitar and dance lessons. I know this will backfire on me when the dance performance is on at Xmas time. All his family will be there watching and because I haven’t paid for the lessons I will be made to feel like I’m not welcome. This is how they roll.
Now he has started giving the kids ridiculous amounts of money for menial chores they should be doing ANYWAY.
I want to apply for extra child support but I fear that my application will be rejected on the basis that my circumstances are not “out of the ordinary”. And he will ridicule me if my application is unsuccessful.
The kids are a bit embarrassed by the huge divide in disposable spending – but bless them…we joke about waiting till you get to Dad’s to lose a tooth. The tooth fairy at dads is loaded!
I have sought legal advice and its going to cost mega bucks to have the consent orders changed. I want to move away. And be able to eventually get financially healthy. Staying near an abusive ex – so that he can conveniently see his kids - it’s so exhausting.
I can’t afford the legal path. I can’t afford to keep living like this and meanwhile my family is 500kms away and I have to put up with my ex and his horrible family laughing at my circumstances and pompously saying that they are all my fault because I left him.
I make just enough to qualify for nothing and not enough to live comfortably.
What can I do? Please help.
Ex living like a king at his mums house while I'm broke
Ex living like a king at his mums house while I'm broke
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour, Money
4 Replies
The only advice I can offer you is move into the smallest place you possibly can and yeah if you can't afford extra curricular activities you just can't afford it. The kids know the deal and that's ALL that matters. It won't be like this for ever, your kids are at an age where they see the games and it's only a few years off where your kids can get part time work.
I know it sucks but even if he earned a lot more than you or the care arrangements were different the amount of money you would get wouldn't make a huge difference. It's sucky, I get it but you just have to work with it. Can you get a part time job while the kids are at there dad's?
Looks like you need to arrange your circumstances so it works better for you. Yes it might be hard & seem impossible but don't look at it hopelessly, attack it until you find the answer, it is there!! Don't compare to ex, it's nothing to do with you I think you're just feeling sad nd depressed about your circumstance being so hard, once you sort yourself out you won't give a crap what he's got & doing.
He is a child. i would not discuss my finance issues with him at all. if he wanted to be a good parent he will pay for the extra things and not gloat about it.
You should arrange your life to suit you and the children, if this means living in a 2 bedroom unit or moving near family for more support.
There are lots of budgeting websites etc that might have tips you have not considered.
You are unlikely to get more child support, due to not dire circumstances.
Children don't remember the money stuff, take them for free activities and spend time with them. You are doing a great job.
You need to stop hating on your ex because you are jealous of his financial situation. So his living at his mums and has more money then you. So what? Your application for more child support will be rejected if he is already paying what he is suppose to be. Be happy that he can afford to take your kids on holidays and give them extra pocket money. Thats great! If you are this angry at their father over jealousy your kids are gonna pick up on it which will not end up good for you.