I had the most inspiring moment with my daughter today. We have been collecting old clothes and toys for a friend whose workplace is collecting items for a women's shelter. This shelter is out of supplies, they are absolutely desperate.
So far my youngest (four) has been amazing, happy to give away heaps of old toys because she's so desperate to help. Her big sister (seven), has proved much less generous and is refusing to give away any of her toys except those that are literally so broken they just belong in the bin. So tonight, after little one had already agreed to give away a pile of toys, I'm delivering a bit of a lecture to my big girl about how lucky we are and about the people who come to these shelters, who have to leave their homes because they're not safe anymore and who literally have nothing etc. My big one remains unmoved, but my little one taps me. She's been listening, and now she's cradling her very favourite toy in the world and she tells me she's decided to give him away to some kids who don't have any toys of their own. I seriously feel like my heart is going to burst with pride over this amazing little human with just the biggest heart in the world.
Far from being moved by this lovely gesture, my big girl immediately starts crying at the idea of little one giving this toy away, and tells her if she doesn't want it anymore she should give it to her! I seriously can't believe her!
I have two questions.
Firstly, how hard should I be on my big girl? Not wanting to give up her own toys is one thing, but trying to scam her sister out of being so generous is just awful! She's normally a very kind little girl and i just don't understand where this is coming from.
Secondly, should I actually give this toy away? I want to honour her gesture, but this is THE toy. Its been on trips to the park, the beach, the shops, it's been across the country and back! It would just break my heart if in a week or a month she regretted her decision. Also it has to be said, aside from the sentimental value we are talking about an extremely battered and grubby little toy. I'm considering just hiding it away somewhere just in case and maybe slipping a nice new toy into the charity bag on her behalf.
If you've stuck with me this long thank you, I realise in comparison to some of the issues we see on here it may not seem like much but I very much wanted to share my pride in my little one and confusion with my big one with this amazing group I've come to rely on so much. I would so appreciate your thoughts xx
3 Replies
Do not give the toy away. She deserves to keep her favourite and an important part of giving and being generous is learning what not to give.
Also don't make the mistake of comparing 7 year olds to 4 year olds. If you had done this three years ago with your now 7 year old, I think you'd find she would have been more receptive. Maybe make donating one toy item every 6 months-12 months a thing so she can learn without it being a big drama.
I don't think you should let your 4yr old give away her favourite toy. Explain that you're very proud of her for wanting to be so generous but she's giving away a lot already and she still needs to have something special too.
As for your 7yr old I would say it's just an age thing. Without lecturing her, just explain (again) what it means to give, that her sister is not obligated to give any of her toys to her, and that even if she doesn't want to donate this time you'd like her to think about it for next time. Maybe even take her to the shelter with you so she can see where their toys go and who they go to.
It can be hard as a kid to understand the concept of giving so generously when quite often they're surrounded by selfishness (please don't take offence to this, don't necessarily mean your household it's in places like schools "no that's mine give it back!" Etc).
Please don't give the charity a toy that is grubby and battered. It'll likely end up in the bin. The recipients may have nothing but they deserve donations that are still in good condition. In any case, the toy is sentimental so keep it.
I don't have any advice for how your 7 year old is behaving but there are good replies about that already.