A little background about me (sorry if this is a little long)
I'm 25, have 2 beautiful children (one with special needs) a fiancé and we have just bought a beautiful house. My biggest problem is that I am treated like a child by my own family AND inlaws!
It drives me completely nuts and I just don't know how I would go about solving this.
For example, at a recent family gathering, 90% of it involved family and my inlaws talking about how my house is not clean enough (I have 2 toddlers and my partner works 50+ hours, so it's not perfect), how to clean it since I apprantly do that wrong as well, how I dress funny (I think I dress age appropriate except for some nanna jumpers haha), that I basically do everything the wrong way and they will all often talk down to me.
Even home visits involve at least one of them walking around my house, pointing out how I'm doing things wrong or they will start reorganising things in front of me. Even with simple things such as how to clean clothes and dishes correctly (I've lived out of home for 7 years, I know how to do it!) And this isn't just from my own family.
There is quite a large age gap between myself and a lot of them and many don't have children. I had mine quite early and have dated my partner since we were teenagers, so I can understand it a little bit. But most of the time I end up zoning out or focusing on something else, during any lectures, about 40 minutes later and then I get told off for not listening.
I do have social anxiety and I'm rather private, so it can me feel awfully insecure having people question how I live or act. I never go out, hardly drink and haven't been "partying" for years, so I don't really understand where it comes from.
I've tried to bring it up to both sides and they just ignore it and continue. Funny enough, my partner is spoken to as an equal which is all I really want!
Does anyone have any advice how to bring this up or to try and avoid confrontation (as they will sometimes burst into tears if I disagree) as I'm in my mid 20's and would love to be spoken to as an adult and also an equal. Thank you!
3 Replies
Assertiveness training! Tell them to piss off, that it's none of there business. Until you tell them off (and I mean tell them off, not discuss or have a conversation) they will continue to think this behaviour is acceptable. Google assertiveness training, did me the world of good :)
Thank you! I'm going to google it right now :)
My mum used to be like this ive lived out of home 8yrs. She used to come to my house and insist on doing my washing and sorting it out as aparently i dont do it right. So when i knew she was coming i would plant lace nickers or gstrings in the washing she would complain and my answer to her was u dont like them then dont do the washing. Since then she has stopped redoing my house work when she comes over.