My mother is super intense and in your face, she has no respect for me or my husband and for my child for that matter!
She constantly invades my day and expects me to jump when she calls (Doesn't help she lives two mins down the road) ! And stupid me, I do! Only for the reason she IS my mother and I'm aware she has her own personal issues she is going through, but I can't hide the fact anymore that she annoys me! She's lied to me/us several times over different (irrelevant) matters.
I know I'm being vague, but I just want to know what other women/men have done with overbearing mothers. I'm at a point now where I just don't want to talk to her anymore. AND when I do talk to her, I'm just left feeling drained... Has anyone else experienced something similar? It would be easy if it was a friend or distant relative, I just wouldn't talk to them ever again and not even look back!!!
How to deal with a controlling, depressed mother who has no respect for you
How to deal with a controlling, depressed mother who has no respect for you
Posted in:
Behaviour
6 Replies
I went through this with a friend. The only way I survived was being very firm, and setting clear boundaries. So I call screened calls, and only responded in my time. I made sure I set a time limit on visits and phone calls. So made up somewhere to be and mention it at the start of the phone call eg can't talk long I have to meet x person at 3pm. That way you've set the tone, and when you get ready to leave or hang up say, ice really got to go now, remember I've got x on and walk out or say bye and hang up.
Make it clear your mum needs to access appropriate services and if she isn't using them then that is her problem.
You don't say what your mums problems are so it's hard to advise what services she might be able to access and would ease the burden on you.
I have tried the firm ave, but it just doesn't work on someone who has no respect for what you say or what you're doing!!
I have told her she should talk to someone about her issues/severe depression/hypochondriac , but her problem is, she doesn't have any issues, and it's everyone else!!!!
Then that is your answer. Don't enable her, walk away. Its hard to be a hypochondriac if nobody is paying attention to it, because it they usually are doing it for attention. I'd even move if I had to.
Yes agree 100% I just always feel like I'm the bad guy in having to put her in her place all the time and I know she resents me for it! Thank you for the advice! I always hope for a silver lining. I'm a family person and it would devastate me to never speak with her again, but sometimes you just have to do what you think is best for you I guess... Fingers crossed I can get some courage to explain to her how I really feel without her shutting down, like she always does!! And BLAME ME!
I had similar issues with my mum. Everything I did wasn't good enough & I was constantly left feeling like I was a failure. In November it will be 3yrs since I have not spoken to my mother. Some days I feel terrible because of the decision I have made & other days I know my life is better. I'm no longer judged, criticised or left feeling inadequate. My immediate & extended family have mostly supported my decision. It's a difficult situation, I would love nothing more than to have a relationship with her but I realise that's not an option anymore. I hope you can find some resolution...sometimes you just have to put yourself & your own family first xxx
Yep! Sounds like my mum!
Just in the last half an hour she's dumped her 10 year old son at my place to go to her exes house, who she JUST divorced after 13 years for emotionally and physically abusing her, at 930 at night, and if I didn't allow it he would be home by himself... So if I put my foot down, then he suffers. She's just not fair! I have arguments with my husband all the time because of her. Including this minute!!!
I just wish I could tell her exactly what I think and not have to worry so much about hurting HER feelings! And learn to put my own first!!!