Hello lovelys. Well this is going to be all over the place. I have suffered depression for as long as i can remember but in the last 2 years since moving 1000s of ks away from family and friends its gotten worse at least once a week i wish i would just die and be done with this shitty life. I have two beautiful boys that are my world that i dont want them seeing me like this, I have a husband iv been with for 15years he is vary rarely home with w9rk or fishing he trys to be supportive with all this crap but i understand it must be tuff for him i feel so bad i just want my family to have a happy mum and wife. Iv bee to the doctor numerous times with different medications and councilors. Im lost i have no where else to turn i have 1 friend where i live never have money to do anything?, people say get a job iv applied for 100s of jobs with nothing the 2 i did get i wasnt allowed to do because who would care for the kids so my husband says. SHIT it doesn't matter what i do in this life it never is good enough or works out for im 32 with i just feel like im losing my mind for real at any minute im just going to snap, please any ideas or great things to try. I have 0 motorvation always tied cant deal with normal things un life anymore
2 Replies
Ok, I think you need to go back to your GP and make sure your meds are right and get back to a psychologist. If you can't do that contact beyondblue and or lifeline.
I'm sorry to be a downer but I'd be pretty depressed if my husband was off fishing when he should be helping me at home with the kids, and unsupportive about helping you get well. I wonder if it's time to take the kids and move back closer to friends and family (leaving hubby to his fishing and work). That would allow you to build yourself a better life for yourself and your kids where there is more balance and less waiting for hubby to get it.
Work life balance seems to be working for hubby and hes not giving you a chance to find that balance.
I have been where you are on many occasions. I feel like the path I am on is the wrong one because it keeps everyone else happy but not me.
I have what I want at the moment going on with a part time job but I still have the mum duties and a hubby that thinks I am holding him back when I say I want him to do stuff with me and the kids when his days off falls on a weekend. When his days off fall during the week he can do his fishing and hunting. But when the kids are sick or have things in he still wants to dissappear but I tell him that I want him home to soens time with me or he could stay home while I spend time with a friend on a very rare girls night. He doesn't realise it but he makes me feel guilty about going out and I think you are in the same boat. You are probably an over thinker. You worry about what people think or say when really its only in your head that these conversations take place. Dont let depression and anxiety take over your life any longer. When you are feeling down. Get off the couch or bed and put your walking shoes on and walk until you hurt or are puffed or better still until you stop thinking negatively and start thinking about what you are going to do next..like cook dinner or plan an outing with the kids. The other hard thing to do and you should try it..I did it recently and was amazed at how good it felt. Phone a friend! Ring someone you used to be good friends with but drifted apart due to moving,time,kids or hubby. Catch up and ask how they are truely doing and not just the facebook fun photos facade. Ask how things are with their kids and if they are doing well or having trouble with school or work or whatever. Make sure you get them talking first. If you start by telling your side you may bring the conversation down because you are feeling down. By the time you hear about their home truths you may actually find your life to be pretty good and worth living in again. But don't fall in the trap of texting or emailing. A conversation means so much more hearing the context outloud.
Get yourself into a routine of calling your old friends or family. Call at least one person a month or week so you can motivate yourself to get out and do something that you can talk to them about next time you talk.
Life is not about having a phat time everyday and that we are supposed to be happy 100% of the time but if you can find 1 good thing to say about your day its a start. Today the weather is beautiful outside. My kids are being horrible and mean to me but at least its a sunny day and my plants look pretty. Thats my positive affirmation today. My kids seriously drove me up the wall and my hubby is in a terrible mood but I am TRYING so hard to find the positives. Please don't give up. Oh the other thing I found weird was watching scary movies. It takes you out of your zone and when its finished your life looks heaps better ?