Hi mums. I thought I'd ask and vent here, I think my friends are getting sick of me!
So, my husband and I are broken up, not really, but broken up. Makes no sense, its confusing. Living in same house as I can't afford to move out.
He has agreed to 3 months of trial of maybe getting back together, and we went and saw a marriage counsellor/psychologist 2 days ago. We were asked on a scale of 1-10 how committed we are to making it work.... I wrote 10, he wrote 0. He's certain that going back for more sessions will be good for us, but why should I bother? Why is this break up of 15 years together so easy for him? He says there is no one else, I believe that. He is still sexually attracted to me, thinks I am beautiful etc but has a sudden problem with my personality and hates who I am. I am now at a stage where I don't know what to do! I work a casual job, and feel very exposed and vulnerable. I am becoming more anxious every day with this situation, and I fear that it will start to take over me.
The most confusing marriage break up ever!
The most confusing marriage break up ever!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
Go get your own counsellor and start getting your ducks in a row over the next 3 months. By that I mean, find out what centrelink benefits you would be entitled to, save for a bond etc, increase hours at work. Work on yourself emotionally, go see a counsellor just for you, not to save your marriage. You can afford to move out if it's something you really want to do, you find a way. I've lived on my own without a partner to financially support me for almost 20 years, if you have to, and want to, you do it.
Doing those things doesn't preclude you from working on your relationship, the just mean you'll be prepared and making choices from a position of power not fear of I can't afford to do it.
As to his number, don't worry about that for now. He's agreed to work at it, marriage counselling can be raw and brutal because it takes honesty and work and if he isn't honest in those sessions you won't get anywhere. Sometimes the sad fact about marriage counselling is learning that you aren't going to stay together.
It's a good idea to plan ahead but there are some positive signs. He's agreed to a three month trial and he's agreed that more sessions will benefit. He loves you it seems from the outset.
Don't focus on the commitment scale because straight up its not correct. He put 0 even though he was attending a couples counseling session and has agreed to attend more... Yea that's zero commitment right there!
I don't know why he'd put zero but it's worth continuing the sessions. You'll regret it if you don't.
Has he told you what exactly about your personality he all of a sudden hates? Obviously I don't.know even half of the facts but something here tells me that perhaps this is more about him than you and you're.not the problem. Mid life crisis maybe? Has he had any major change in his life recently? Just seems odd to me...
Yes, I think the same too. He's almost 40, has a high profile job and he hasn't told me what it is about my personality. He just says it's everything from the past that's affecting him now, he's out of love. I personally think he has ptsd but when I suggest it I get my head chewed up.
He's just started going out more with his work colleagues now, so I do think there is another woman.