Hi imperfect mums and dads
I really need your help.
I cant seem to control my temper, I seem to get very easily frustrated with my 4 year old.
His smart, really smart, even shocked his ped at his 4 year skills and learning check up smart but his ignorant beyond belief, like most 4 year olds im guessing.
But this is not about him it's about me and how easy I lose my temper, I'm constantly repeating myself, it's almost all I ever do. I know he heard me 90% of the time he just choses to ignore me witch makes me feel the need to raise my voice or count to get his attention than he gets rather emotional because he doesn't like it when I do.
Please give me some useful ways to control my temper.. I tell myself every day that his still little, his still learning, I need to keep a level tone ect but it's just not working every day I still end up raising my voice at him and I hate myself for it and some days im sure he hates me to.
What can I do to change this pattern that's developing?
3 Replies
Oooh horrible age..give yourself a break. We all lose it occasionally. There is no rule book on how to raise YOUR son unfortunately. That book gets made up as you go along.
As far as controlling the reaction you give him. Breathe...take a deep breath before you react. During that very deep breath you give yourself time to analyze the situation and change your normal response.
Don't be too hard on yourself if you dont react appropriate 100 % of the time. But if you reduce your negative reactions by 10% in the first few days you are on a winner.
You are asking for help and recognising a behavior you don't like. You are a great mum already for asking for help. Well done to you xo
Yeah this is a difficult age, because they are trying to assert there independence. Doesn't mean they can't learn to do better though. The best skills I was taught was
1. Decrease my number of commands because when someone is telling you to do something all the time you ignore them
2. When you do need to give an instruction, walk up to him, get eye contact and tell him what you want in a short sentence.
3. Count to 3 in your head, if he doesn't go by 3 repeat the instruction 'I said, ......' And take him to do it.
4. If he did do it, praise the shit out of him.
5. If you're a consistent with this approach it does get better, because I never get to the yelling, and they stop ignoring because they realise it isn't worth there while.
You don't have to get eye contact for ever and it seems time consuming but in reality I saved time and was far less frustrated.
A friend of mine was exactly the same, she would lose it and snap when the kids were being smarty bums! She ended up seeing the doctor and he put her on Vitiman B Complexe tablets. I know that sounds strange but the body needs Vitiman B to cope and calm it's self! You can't buy it off the shelf at the chemist but at the persription counter if you ask for it they have it under the counter. She said as soon as she started taking it, it was like a huge cloud was lifted!! Instantly felt better and could control herself again. Just a thought as it might help you.xx